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[bcbwilla]

'A Virus Walks Into a Bar...' and Other Science Jokes - Brian Malow	DQ

[Hyperion]

A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg for speeding. He walks up to Heisenberg and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says, "No, but I can tell you exactly where I am."

[Henning]

^  ^
Excellent.

A quantum of dark energy walks into a bar. The bartender says "we don't serve your kind here". The dark energy says "how would you know?"

[Evil Eye]

"Man shot with taser for brandishing an electron gun."

His alibi: "I was just trying to fix this old Zenith."

[David E.]

Biology is the only science in which multiplication is the same thing as division.




From the public, his discovery brought cheers.
From his wife, it drew nothing but torrents of tears.
"For you see," said Ms. Halley,
"He used to come daily;
Now he comes once every 70 years!"

[Calinthalus]

A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg for speeding. He walks up to Heisenberg and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says, "No, but I can tell you exactly where I am."

I'm stealing this joke.

[Hyperion]

A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg for speeding. He walks up to Heisenberg and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says, "No, but I can tell you exactly where I am."

I'm stealing this joke.

I'm uncertain whether you should do that or not!

[Opcn]

Glorious! Watched it elsewhere, was smart enough to search for it before posting. Highly recommend it!

[Kim Barron]

A cop pulls over Werner Heisenberg for speeding. He walks up to Heisenberg and asks, "Do you know how fast you were going?"

Heisenberg says, "No, but I can tell you exactly where I am."

I'm stealing this joke.

Too bad it is kind of long for a bumper sticker.

[bcbwilla]

Bumper sticker:



http://www.cafepress.com/+blue_shifted_bumper_sticker,15018954

[TalkingBook]

Ugh. Painful puns in that video.

But the Heisenberg joke! 

[Calinthalus]

Creationists believe every word in Genesis.

I don't even think Phil Collins is that good a drummer.

[Hyperion]

There once was a lady named Bright
Who could travel faster than the speed of light
She left one day
In a relative way
And returned the previous night.

[Hyperion]

Does a radioactive cat have 18 half-lives?

Not Science-Related, but still funny:

Q:  How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  A fish.

Q:  How many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A:  Only two, but don't ask me how they got in there.

[Hyperion]

A physicist, an engineer and a statistician are out hunting. Suddenly, a deer appears 50 yards away.

The physicist does some basic ballistic calculations, assuming a vacuum, lifts his rifle to a specific angle, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards short.

The engineer adds a fudge factor for air resistance, lifts his rifle slightly higher, and shoots. The bullet lands 5 yards long.

The statistician yells, "We got him!"