Topic: Your favourite Simpsons quotes?

[Da5id]

Homer - "Oh, they have the Internet on computers now"

[MountainManPan]

Homer - "Oh, they have the Internet on computers now"

...

[JoelWhy]

Homer: Lisa honey, are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon?
Lisa: No
Homer: Ham?
Lisa: No
Homer: Pork chops?
Lisa: Dad those all come from the same animal
Homer: (laughing)Yeah right Lisa. A wonderful magical animal.

I kid you not, I had a conversation that was surprisingly similar with one of the dumbest girls I have ever met.  We were at a Denny's with a bunch of people (back in college, I was at a Denny's with a bunch of people about 6 nights a week!) and I happened to mention that I was a vegetarian.

"What about hamburgers?  Do you eat hamburgers?"

"Uhmmm...no."

"Bacon?"

"No!"

This went on for a bit...I understand people asking if I eat fish or cheese.  But, bacon?!?

[Chew]

Back on topic "aw we done bad" from when Homer goes to university and breaks the jar of bees.

That was when the Nuclear Regulatory Commission inspected the plant and Homer and a couple of other dunces where sent down to the basement to watch the jar of bees.

[D'oh!]

Homer:  You know what you should serve, Marge? More of these lamb chops.  These are the best ever!

Marge: Why, thank you, Homie! You might say the secret ingredient is salt.

[kb]

From Simpson Tide, works better with the visual part but I couldn't find it.

Captain Tenille: Tell me young man, what do you want out of life?
Homer: [straining to reach the peas on the table] I want peas.
Captain Tenille: Oh, we all want peace, but it's always just out of reach. [Homer groans and sits back in his chair] So, what's the best way to get peace?
Homer: [reaching out and picking up peas on his knife] With a knife.
Captain Tenille: Exactly! Not with the olive branch but the bayonet! Ah, Simpson, you're like the son I never had.
Homer: And you're like the father I never visit.

From Homer the Clown.

simpsons clown college

Homer: That's it!  You people have stood in my way long enough.  I'm
       going to clown college!  [leaves]
Bart: I don't think any of us expected him to say that.

[Monster Island]

"I sentence you to a lifetime of horror on Monster Island. Don't worry, it's just a name."
           
[Lisa and others are chased by fire-breathing monsters]

"He said it was just a name!"

"What he meant is that Monster Island is actually a peninsula."

[D'oh!]

Homer and Bart are watching I Love Lucy but all you hear is the audio.  Ricky scolds Lucy, then you hear a *slap!* and Lucy crying:

Fred Mertz:  "You hit her pretty hard there, Rick."

Cut to Homer:  "Hee-hee!  He hit her again!!"

[superdave]

Mr. Burns:  You there, Strawberry, hit a homerun!
Straw: Ok Skip!
Smithers:  Excellent strategy sir.

[Chew]

Marvin's dad: "We'll see you when you get back from image enhancement camp, son."

Marvin: "Spare me your euphemisms. It's fat camp for daddy's chubby little secret."

Marvin's dad: "You promised me you wouldn't make a scene."

[Caffiene]

Oh, now youve done it.

Some of my favourites (although theres many more I could name):

Homer (about bees): Ow! Ooow! They're defending themselves somehow!
Lisa: Hmm. Pablo Neruda said, "Laughter is the language of the soul."
Bart: I am familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda.
Homer: Okay Homer, just get this stuff into the house as quickly and quietly as possible!
[CRASH]
Homer: Homer, you're not listening!

Ive been known to use both "Its defending itself somehow" and "You're not listening" when I hurt myself or do something stupid.

And my favourite skepticism related ones:

Homer: Not a bear in sight.  The Bear Patrols are working like a charm.
Lisa: That's specious reasoning, dad.
Homer: Thank you, dear.
Lisa: By your logic I could claim that this rock keeps tigers away.
Homer: Oh, how does it work?
Lisa: It doesn't work.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: It's just a stupid rock.
Homer: Uh-huh.
Lisa: But I don't see any tigers around, do you?
Homer: ... Lisa, Id like to buy your rock.
Lisa: No dad, I-... ... OK!
Crowd: We need a cure! We need a cure!
Dr. Hibbert: Why, the only cure is bed rest. Anything I give you would only be a placebo.
Blonde Woman: Where do we get these placebos?
Man: Maybe there's some in this truck!
[The crowd smash the truck and its crate of killer bees. One man pops a bee in his mouth]
Man: I'm cured! ... I mean, ouch!

[I am Nintendo]

Jesus Fish

[D'oh!]

I hadn't seen Jesus Fish before -- I lol'd!!

[Da5id]

(Telephone rings)
Kent Brockman: Well, it looks like we have our first caller. And I mean ever, because this is not a call-in show.

[Da5id]

Here's your Action Anchor, Kent Brockman