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Author Topic: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.  (Read 1031 times)

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Offline David E.

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What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« on: Dec 27, 2011, 04:24:41 PM »
Some friends were joking about this at work today:

How would the Lord of The Rings be, if George R. R. Martin had written it?

*This is for Lulz, not to be taken as serious literary crit.


The Scouring of the Shire would have been a Complete Genocide; tHe Hobbits would have returned to the Shire completely destroyed and looking worse than Mordor.

Gandalf would not have died heroically fighting the Balrog.  He would have tripped on a rock and fallen over the edge.

 
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Offline DRmeg378

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #1 on: Dec 27, 2011, 05:41:21 PM »
One of the Hobbits would have been a KICKASS female!
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Online Rai

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #2 on: Dec 28, 2011, 05:52:13 AM »
At the end of the third book, Frodo would have a maybe yes/maybe no execution moment after getting entangled in the political machinations of a minor city in lower Harad.
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There's, another example. See, here I'm now sitting by myself, uh, er, talking to myself. That's, that's chaos.

Offline DRmeg378

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #3 on: Dec 28, 2011, 08:15:17 AM »
If that's a spoiler I'll kill you as befits my office of local mod. I'm only on the third book myself.

Maybe we should write in spoiler tags labeled with the lowest book you should have read?
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"I try not to think with my gut. If I'm serious about understanding the world, thinking with anything besides my brain, as tempting as that may be, is likely to get me into trouble. Really, it's okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in." - Carl Sagan

Offline David E.

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #4 on: Dec 28, 2011, 08:25:19 AM »
So much for keeping this thread humorous.   :bang:
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Nobody these days holds the written word in such high esteem as police states do.  What statistic allows one to identify the Nations where Literature enjoys true consideration better than the sums appropriated for controlling and suppressing it.
Italo Calvino.

Offline goodthink

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #5 on: Dec 28, 2011, 09:16:11 AM »
More females in lead roles. Arwen would have been far more kick-ass.


Much more lore and family histories introduced along the way.


The 3 books would have been bound to the Hobbit and Similarion and the series extended to 10 or 20 books in all, with the walking bits cut out and replaced with story arcs involving not just the hobbits, but the orcs, Sauron and tribes of men.


Gandalf would have been a worg and pocessed the balrog.



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Offline Guillermo

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #6 on: Dec 28, 2011, 12:57:24 PM »
Lots more boobs!
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Offline goodthink

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #7 on: Dec 28, 2011, 12:58:55 PM »
Quote from: Guillermo on Dec 28, 2011, 12:57:24 PM
Lots more boobs!


Wouldn't that apply only if HBO made lord of the rings?
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Offline amysrevenge

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #8 on: Jan 18, 2012, 10:43:23 AM »
Pippin would have died before reaching Bree.

Orcs would, right now, be drinking ale from Fatty Bolger's skull.
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Offline Ah.hell

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #9 on: Jan 18, 2012, 01:28:23 PM »
Quote from: Guillermo on Dec 28, 2011, 12:57:24 PM
Lots more boobs!
There would have been more some sex.  What good think said but half of the subplots would have been less interesting the walking.

Tom Bombadil would have killed at least one of the hobbits and the Ents would have demanded the sacrifice of another. 

By the time they reached Mordor, only Gandalf, Frodo and Aragorn Golum would be left.
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Offline andrewclunn

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #10 on: Jan 18, 2012, 01:39:25 PM »
Chapters from Sauron's perspective  >:D
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Offline Eternally Learning

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #11 on: Jan 18, 2012, 02:10:55 PM »
Quote from: andrewclunn on Jan 18, 2012, 01:39:25 PM
Chapters from Sauron's perspective  >:D

I imagine it'd be something like, "AHHHHH!  AHHHHHH!  MY EYE IS ON FIRE!!!  MY FUCKING EYE IS ON FIRE!!!  AHHHHHHH!!!"
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Offline T.A.P.O.R.

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #12 on: Jan 18, 2012, 04:19:18 PM »
Gollum would have been more like the leader of the Bloody Mummers.
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Offline YouSayPotato

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #13 on: Mar 21, 2012, 02:38:17 AM »
You'd still be waiting for the last book to come out.
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Offline T.A.P.O.R.

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Re: What if George R. R. Martin had Written The Lord of the Rings.
« Reply #14 on: Mar 21, 2012, 03:30:26 AM »
Quote from: YouSayPotato on Mar 21, 2012, 02:38:17 AM
You'd still be waiting for the last book to come out.
:rimshot:
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