Author Topic: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God  (Read 471 times)

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Offline Jack R.

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Offline Johnny Slick

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #1 on: Jan 18, 2012, 06:03:07 PM »
"How can anyone think that a quarterback with a crappy completion rate such as Tebow's is still any good? IT MUST BE A MIRACLE! PRAISE JESUS!"
"Ignorance is like a delicate exotic fruit; touch it and the bloom is gone." - Oscar Wilde

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You're really good at bad ideas.

Offline cshorey

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #2 on: Jan 19, 2012, 07:52:34 PM »
As a Denver area resident, I can say with authority and confidence, that Jesus made Tebow fumble in the first half.
christian athletes

Offline drizz

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #3 on: Jan 20, 2012, 01:01:20 PM »
Quote
The Denver Broncos’ playoff win over the Pittsburgh Steelers on Sunday night was unlikely enough, but Tim Tebow’s passing yardage — the Christian quarterback threw 316 yards — sent commentators over the edge. The Associated Press reported that he also averaged 31.6 yards per completion. The religious connotations to John 3:16, a famous Bible verse, were too much for many to chalk up to chance.

The Associated Press reported that did they? Surely the writer of this article could simply note that Tebow had (presumably) 10 completions, and do the simple division.

Breaking news! AP reports 316/10=31.6! We're not going out on a limb here, AP said it!

Offline David E.

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #4 on: Jan 20, 2012, 01:24:55 PM »
Stone Cold Steve Austin King of the Ring Speech


Nobody these days holds the written word in such high esteem as police states do.  What statistic allows one to identify the Nations where Literature enjoys true consideration better than the sums appropriated for controlling and suppressing it.
Italo Calvino.

Offline ricree

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #5 on: Jan 21, 2012, 05:00:41 PM »

Offline superdave

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #6 on: Jan 21, 2012, 05:14:27 PM »
clearly he was supposed to have 100 attempts, or just 1 attempt.

Offline jomike

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #7 on: Jan 21, 2012, 06:02:35 PM »
The Onion's Take


 :roflolmao:

If only Belichick had Tebowed after the beat-down...

Offline Halleyscomet/Wakefield

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #8 on: Jan 23, 2012, 11:21:44 AM »
What a useless, pathetic "god" these people are worshiping.

He can't end a famine in Africa that's causing millions of Christians to starve to death, or silence a handful of false prophets causing thousands to children to be maimed, tortured and even killed as a result of false witchcraft allegations, but he can cheat at football enough to make numbers come out in a way that people who are already wealthy and faithful will feel a little more safe in their already established faith.

Pathetic.
"Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity." -Nietzsche

Offline David E.

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #9 on: Jan 23, 2012, 11:50:51 AM »
What a useless, pathetic "god" these people are worshiping.

He can't end a famine in Africa that's causing millions of Christians to starve to death, or silence a handful of false prophets causing thousands to children to be maimed, tortured and even killed as a result of false witchcraft allegations, but he can cheat at football enough to make numbers come out in a way that people who are already wealthy and faithful will feel a little more safe in their already established faith.

Pathetic.

That is what I salways say.  This is the same God that flooded the Earth and turned a city to salt; but now he can't even fix a football game?

God needs Viagra.
Nobody these days holds the written word in such high esteem as police states do.  What statistic allows one to identify the Nations where Literature enjoys true consideration better than the sums appropriated for controlling and suppressing it.
Italo Calvino.

Offline DRmeg378

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #10 on: Jan 23, 2012, 11:57:45 AM »
So does god not care for the Superbowl? I'm not an expert but it looks like Tebow's team didn't make it, right?
"I try not to think with my gut. If I'm serious about understanding the world, thinking with anything besides my brain, as tempting as that may be, is likely to get me into trouble. Really, it's okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in." - Carl Sagan

Offline Halleyscomet/Wakefield

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #11 on: Jan 23, 2012, 12:22:07 PM »
What a useless, pathetic "god" these people are worshiping.

He can't end a famine in Africa that's causing millions of Christians to starve to death, or silence a handful of false prophets causing thousands to children to be maimed, tortured and even killed as a result of false witchcraft allegations, but he can cheat at football enough to make numbers come out in a way that people who are already wealthy and faithful will feel a little more safe in their already established faith.

Pathetic.


That is what I salways say.  This is the same God that flooded the Earth and turned a city to salt; but now he can't even fix a football game?

God needs Viagra.


HAARP on the other hand, that's some powerful s**t.

People in countries as far apart as Budapest, Hungary and Canada have reported hearing mysterious loud snoring sounds coming from the skies late at night

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The daily also quoted international reports saying the strange noises heard globally could have originated from the High Frequency Active Auroral Research Program (HAARP) programme, an ionospheric research programme based in Gakona, Alaska in the United States.
"Two great European narcotics, alcohol and Christianity." -Nietzsche

Offline cshorey

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #12 on: Jan 23, 2012, 02:16:58 PM »
Well, clearly Tebow's 3:16 record is a message from God, but perhaps it wasn't John 3:16.  There are a lot of 3:16s in the Bible (see my compendium below), but I personally think it was Genesis 3:16 thus proving that God and Tebow are misogynistic bastards.

Genesis 3:16
 16 To the woman he said,
   “I will make your pains in childbearing very severe;
   with painful labor you will give birth to children.
Your desire will be for your husband,
   and he will rule over you.”

Exodus 3:16
 16 Go, and gather the elders of Israel together, and say unto them, Jehovah, the God of your fathers, the God of Abraham, of Isaac, and of Jacob, hath appeared unto me, saying, I have surely visited you, and seen that which is done to you in Egypt:
Leviticus 3:16
16 The priest shall burn them on the altar as a food offering, a pleasing aroma. All the fat is the LORD’s.
Numbers 3:16
16 So Moses counted them, as he was commanded by the word of the LORD.
Deuteronomy 3:16
16 But to the Reubenites and the Gadites I gave the territory extending from Gilead down to the Arnon Gorge (the middle of the gorge being the border) and out to the Jabbok River, which is the border of the Ammonites.
Joshua 3:16
16 the water from upstream stopped flowing. It piled up in a heap a great distance away, at a town called Adam in the vicinity of Zarethan, while the water flowing down to the Sea of the Arabah (that is, the Dead Sea) was completely cut off. So the people crossed over opposite Jericho.
Judges 3:16
16 Now Ehud had made a double-edged sword about a cubit[a] long, which he strapped to his right thigh under his clothing.
Ruth 3:16
 16 When Ruth came to her mother-in-law, Naomi asked, “How did it go, my daughter?”
   Then she told her everything Boaz had done for her
1 Samuel 3:16
16 but Eli called him and said, “Samuel, my son.”
   Samuel answered, “Here I am.”
2 Samuel 3:16
16 Her husband, however, went with her, weeping behind her all the way to Bahurim. Then Abner said to him, “Go back home!” So he went back.
1 Kings 3:16
A Wise Ruling
 16 Now two prostitutes came to the king and stood before him.
2 Kings 3:16
16 and he said, “This is what the LORD says: I will fill this valley with pools of water.
1 Chronicles 3:16
 16 The successors of Jehoiakim:
   Jehoiachin[a] his son,
   and Zedekiah.
2 Chronicles 3:16
16 He made interwoven chains[a] and put them on top of the pillars. He also made a hundred pomegranates and attached them to the chains.
Ezra 3:16 – None
Nehemiah 3:16
16 Beyond him, Nehemiah son of Azbuk, ruler of a half-district of Beth Zur, made repairs up to a point opposite the tombs[a] of David, as far as the artificial pool and the House of the Heroes.
Esther 3:16 - None
Job 3:16
16 Or why was I not hidden away in the ground like a stillborn child,
   like an infant who never saw the light of day?
Psalms 3:16 - None
Proverbs 3:16
16 Long life is in her right hand;
   in her left hand are riches and honor.
Ecclesiastes 3:16
 16 And I saw something else under the sun:
   In the place of judgment—wickedness was there,
   in the place of justice—wickedness was there.
Song of Solomon 3:16 - None
Isaiah 3:16
 16 The LORD says,
   “The women of Zion are haughty,
walking along with outstretched necks,
   flirting with their eyes,
strutting along with swaying hips,
   with ornaments jingling on their ankles.
Jeremiah 3:16
16 In those days, when your numbers have increased greatly in the land,” declares the LORD, “people will no longer say, ‘The ark of the covenant of the LORD.’ It will never enter their minds or be remembered; it will not be missed, nor will another one be made.
Lamentations 3:16
 16 He has broken my teeth with gravel;
   he has trampled me in the dust.
Ezekiel 3:16
Ezekiel’s Task as Watchman
 16 At the end of seven days the word of the LORD came to me:
Daniel 3:16
 16 Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego replied to him, “King Nebuchadnezzar, we do not need to defend ourselves before you in this matter.
Hosea 3:16 - None
Joel 3:16
16 The LORD will roar from Zion
   and thunder from Jerusalem;
   the earth and the heavens will tremble.
But the LORD will be a refuge for his people,
   a stronghold for the people of Israel.
Amos 3:16 - None
Obadiah 3:16 - None
Jonah 3:16 - None
Micah 3:16 - None
Nahum 3:16
16 You have increased the number of your merchants
   till they are more numerous than the stars in the sky,
but like locusts they strip the land
   and then fly away.
Habakkuk 3:16
 16 I heard and my heart pounded,
   my lips quivered at the sound;
decay crept into my bones,
   and my legs trembled.
Yet I will wait patiently for the day of calamity
   to come on the nation invading us.
Zephaniah 3:16
16 On that day
   they will say to Jerusalem,
“Do not fear, Zion;
   do not let your hands hang limp.
Haggai 3:16 - None
Zechariah 3:16 - None
Malachi 3:16
The Faithful Remnant
 16 Then those who feared the LORD talked with each other, and the LORD listened and heard. A scroll of remembrance was written in his presence concerning those who feared the LORD and honored his name.
Matthew 3:16
 16 As soon as Jesus was baptized, he went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him.
Mark 3:16
16 These are the twelve he appointed: Simon (to whom he gave the name Peter),
Luke 3:16
16 John answered them all, “I baptize you with[a] water. But one who is more powerful than I will come, the straps of whose sandals I am not worthy to untie. He will baptize you with the Holy Spirit and fire.
John 3:16
 16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
Acts 3:16
16 By faith in the name of Jesus, this man whom you see and know was made strong. It is Jesus’ name and the faith that comes through him that has completely healed him, as you can all see.
Romans 3:16
 16 ruin and misery mark their ways,
1 Corinthians 3:16
 16 Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst?
2 Corinthians 3:16
16 But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.
Galatians 3:16
16 The promises were spoken to Abraham and to his seed. Scripture does not say “and to seeds,” meaning many people, but “and to your seed,”[a] meaning one person, who is Christ.
Ephesians 3:16
16 I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being,
Philippians 3:16
16 Only let us live up to what we have already attained.
Colossians 3:16
16 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts.
1 Thessalonians 3:16 - None
2 Thessalonians 3:16
Final Greetings
 16 Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.
1 Timothy 3:16
16 Beyond all question, the mystery from which true godliness springs is great:
   He appeared in the flesh,
   was vindicated by the Spirit,[a]
was seen by angels,
   was preached among the nations,
was believed on in the world,
   was taken up in glory.
2 Timothy 3:16
16 All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness,
Titus 3:16 - None
Philemon 1:3
 3 Grace and peace to you[a] from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.
Hebrews 3:16
 16 Who were they who heard and rebelled? Were they not all those Moses led out of Egypt?
James 3:16
16 For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
1 Peter 3:16
16 keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.
2 Peter 3:16
16 He writes the same way in all his letters, speaking in them of these matters. His letters contain some things that are hard to understand, which ignorant and unstable people distort, as they do the other Scriptures, to their own destruction.
1 John 3:16
 16 This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters.
2 John 1:3
 3 Grace, mercy and peace from God the Father and from Jesus Christ, the Father’s Son, will be with us in truth and love.
3 John 1:3
3 It gave me great joy when some believers came and testified about your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it.
Revelation 3:16
16 So, because you are lukewarm—neither hot nor cold—I am about to spit you out of my mouth.


Offline Anders

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #13 on: Jan 23, 2012, 02:24:04 PM »
I think it was

Lamentations 3:16
 16 He has broken my teeth with gravel;
   he has trampled me in the dust.

Although Sura 3:16

They say, "Our Lord, we have believed, so forgive us our sins, and spare us the agony of the hellfire."

is also a possibility. Is Tebow a muslim?
“You couldn't be here if stars hadn't exploded... So forget Jesus. The stars died so that you could be here today.”

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Offline David E.

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Re: Tebows Statistics prove messages from God
« Reply #14 on: Jan 23, 2012, 02:26:36 PM »
Again I Post unto the People.

Austin 3:16: I just kicked your ass!
Nobody these days holds the written word in such high esteem as police states do.  What statistic allows one to identify the Nations where Literature enjoys true consideration better than the sums appropriated for controlling and suppressing it.
Italo Calvino.

 

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