Topic: Most Men are Horn Dawgs

[andrewclunn]

Andrew this is one of the few times you have written a full paragraph that I completely agree with.

It's the one thing keeping me from being a complete heartless asshole.  I happen to also be a hopeless romantic.

[seaotter]

STDs, sex is better with affection, accidental pregnancies, the types of women who would be into a one night stand are usually not my type, and finally if a woman sleeps with me she'll be interested in more than a one night stand afterwards anyways

So you wouldn't pick up a women for sex yourself?

I'm presently seeing somebody, but if I weren't there are some female friends of mine that I know would be up for sex with me if I came onto them.  Why would I have sex with a stranger?  And even if that weren't the case, if the choice is between sleeping with a slut or masturbating, I'll take the masturbating.

Besides, not sleeping with anyone and everyone (or not being willing to if they asked) without going around and bragging about it (just not responding to their advances while being decent to them) is a huge turn on to a lot of women.  A woman who really likes you is a better source of sex (and usually better quality sex) than a large group of women.  So even if you were just trying to optimize for maximum sex having, some self control and discerning taste is the right way to go.  It will make your relationships more trusting and honest, make you more desirable to women who are worth the effort, and let them know that they're special because you wouldn't just fuck anybody.  So resist the, "Gotta spread my seed!" instinct and only hook up with women you know and like as people; everybody wins.

Wow. So you think this is typical?

[seaotter]

Andrew this is one of the few times you have written a full paragraph that I completely agree with.

It's the one thing keeping me from being a complete heartless asshole.  I happen to also be a hopeless romantic.

Ayn would not approve.

[David E.]

STDs, sex is better with affection, accidental pregnancies, the types of women who would be into a one night stand are usually not my type, and finally if a woman sleeps with me she'll be interested in more than a one night stand afterwards anyways

So you wouldn't pick up a women for sex yourself?

I'm presently seeing somebody, but if I weren't there are some female friends of mine that I know would be up for sex with me if I came onto them.  Why would I have sex with a stranger?  And even if that weren't the case, if the choice is between sleeping with a slut or masturbating, I'll take the masturbating.

Besides, not sleeping with anyone and everyone (or not being willing to if they asked) without going around and bragging about it (just not responding to their advances while being decent to them) is a huge turn on to a lot of women.  A woman who really likes you is a better source of sex (and usually better quality sex) than a large group of women.  So even if you were just trying to optimize for maximum sex having, some self control and discerning taste is the right way to go.  It will make your relationships more trusting and honest, make you more desirable to women who are worth the effort, and let them know that they're special because you wouldn't just fuck anybody.  So resist the, "Gotta spread my seed!" instinct and only hook up with women you know and like as people; everybody wins.

Wow. So you think this is typical?

To what age bracket of men? 

[David E.]

Ok SO.  What would make you say no to a woman who tried to pick you up for a ONS?

[pandamonium]

It is pretty sexist to say that all men are horn dogs.* I find the whole "men should always be up for sex" thing kind of lame. It puts undue stress on men to perform, to be the aggressor, to always be interested in sex. I do think that men tend to have a greater libido, but that doesn't mean that every guy will want to have sex all the time.

Due to hormonal ebb and flow, every month I get supremely libidinous. I can't imagine always being "at the ready." I think I'd go insane. And since I'm surrounded by men who aren't insane, they've either gotten used to being horny all the time, or they aren't as super-horny as we're led to believe.

I also don't doubt that men think about sex a lot. I think about sex a lot. But thinking about sex doesn't always mean you want to have sex. I think about sandwiches a lot, but I'm not always hungry. I think about beer even more, and I'm not always drunk.




*ok, yes, I'm agreeing with andrew.

[AQB24712]

I wonder if women understand that they always have opportunities to have sex.

I've been told this more than once.  "AQB, you would have no problem getting all the sex you want."  [/not bragging]  But there's the quality-over-quantity concern that Andrew talks about.  The resisted opportunities I mentioned before involved men I knew, but I never had the sense that they particularly cared about me as an individual or wanted to have any kind of relationship with me, they were just horny and in proximity.  Never mind all the dubious offers I've had from OFVCupid dudes. 

So yeah, I guess I "always have opportunities to have sex," but I'm not interested in hooking up with some 22-year-old who wants to show me a good time, and I'm surely not going to go make offers in a bar.

Please excuse my interruption, and carry on with your discussion.

ETA:  panda, totes +1 bacon.

[pandamonium]

I wonder if women understand that they always have opportunities to have sex.

I've been told this more than once.  "AQB, you would have no problem getting all the sex you want."  [/not bragging]  But there's the quality-over-quantity concern that Andrew talks about.  The resisted opportunities I mentioned before involved men I knew, but I never had the sense that they particularly cared about me as an individual or wanted to have any kind of relationship with me, they were just horny and in proximity.  Never mind all the dubious offers I've had from OFVCupid dudes. 

So yeah, I guess I "always have opportunities to have sex," but I'm not interested in hooking up with some 22-year-old who wants to show me a good time, and I'm surely not going to go make offers in a bar.

Please excuse my interruption, and carry on with your discussion.

Also this. It's called standards, people.

[David E.]

I wonder if women understand that they always have opportunities to have sex.

I've been told this more than once.  "AQB, you would have no problem getting all the sex you want."  [/not bragging]  But there's the quality-over-quantity concern that Andrew talks about.  The resisted opportunities I mentioned before involved men I knew, but I never had the sense that they particularly cared about me as an individual or wanted to have any kind of relationship with me, they were just horny and in proximity.  Never mind all the dubious offers I've had from OFVCupid dudes. 

So yeah, I guess I "always have opportunities to have sex," but I'm not interested in hooking up with some 22-year-old who wants to show me a good time, and I'm surely not going to go make offers in a bar.

Please excuse my interruption, and carry on with your discussion.

ETA:  panda, totes +1 bacon.

This is by no means a closed conversation. 

[seaotter]

Well, all of them. In the op I carved out the big exception as I see it, which is where I fall. Being married and not wanting to be a cheater I wouldn't accept, but I damned well that would without a real reason. Stds apply to everyone, good sex and better sex, accidental pregnancy applies to everyone, and I find slut shaming repugnant.

[andrewclunn]

Wow. So you think this is typical?

Sadly no.  I just kind of assume that if I think X a majority of people probably think Y.  Why should this be any different?

Ayn would not approve.

Actually, she would.  That appears to have been her big weakness as well.  Damn it, it's too bad she wasn't born 70 years later.  We are soul mates I tell you, soul mates 

[seaotter]

Ok SO.  What would make you say no to a woman who tried to pick you up for a ONS?

My wife. But in hypothetical world nothing would. Well, I take that back. If I new the women and didn't like her, but a stranger? Nothing.

[David E.]

I wonder if women understand that they always have opportunities to have sex.

I've been told this more than once.  "AQB, you would have no problem getting all the sex you want."  [/not bragging]  But there's the quality-over-quantity concern that Andrew talks about.  The resisted opportunities I mentioned before involved men I knew, but I never had the sense that they particularly cared about me as an individual or wanted to have any kind of relationship with me, they were just horny and in proximity.  Never mind all the dubious offers I've had from OFVCupid dudes. 

So yeah, I guess I "always have opportunities to have sex," but I'm not interested in hooking up with some 22-year-old who wants to show me a good time, and I'm surely not going to go make offers in a bar.

Please excuse my interruption, and carry on with your discussion.

Also this. It's called standards, people.

Standards are very important.  More people would probably have them if our culture was more sexually mature. 

[AQB24712]

Okay, I guess I'm not done.  Heh.

Speaking of those OFVCupid dudes, I find it seriously, seriously off-putting when a profile is full of references to sex.  Those guys who list "sex" as one of the six things they can't do without?  I always think, "well, dude, presumably you're doing without it now, so hey."  And I don't want to hear about what a good kisser you are, or what turns you on in a woman, etc., etc.

As panda says, I assume that men think about sex.  I think about sex, too.  That's all groovy.  But when that's the topic that's prominent in this document that presents you to women, I say nix.  I'm going to be very uncomfortable with you, because I'm going to think that all you want to do is bang me. 

Yes, I expect that if/when I meet you, or even when you're looking at my photos, you're gauging my attractiveness, and maybe you're even thinking about having sex with me.  Just don't lead with that card, is all I'm saying.

FTR, I don't think any of the men here behave in such an objectionable fashion.

[Belgarath]

Also, couldn't you essentially adjust the question to include both a homosexual and a reversed heterosexual consideration?

I would sort of be creeped out by a woman just walking up to me out of the blue and offering sex.  Almost as much as a woman would be if I did that to her.