Topic: Pondering fatherhood

[Armenoid]

Took the plunge and am expecting a little boy.  Wondering if you brainiacs have advice in optimizing early child development, even in infant stage.

Cheers

[Guillermo]

Congratulations.

I don't know if you are the mother or the father. I assume mother, but I'll try to be neutral. This is obviously advice used by my wife. And remember that it is based on the mother not having any complications.
- Pay close attention to what her obstetrician says. There are several tests the mother needs to take.
- Hormones are a nono, unless some deficiencies are present.
- There are some exercises for the mother, to ready her for labor, especially if it's her first.
- Avoid c-section, opt for normal birth if possible.
- The mother needs to eat well. She needs a balance diet.
- Some say this doesn't work, but talk to your baby. Touch the belly, and assume that he is already there in your arms. Both father and mother.
- Proceed your life as normal. Most pregnant women can perform their usual tasks until month 7.
- Leave stress behind. If you are stressful, things tighten and start to hurt.

There might be more things that I do not remember. If I think of them, I'll tell you.

[seamas]

My wife and I were into attachment parenting.
We weren't strict about it or adhering to some full-bore philosophy, but we made sure that a human was holding the baby A LOT during the newborn phase.

In-laws kept expecting us to just put the baby in a basinet all the time--and relegate the poor baby to it's own room and let him "cry it out"/

There is definitely a TIME to let a baby "cry it out" but it sure as hell isn't when he' she is days old.


We refused to "baby talk" to the baby, but we would constantly speak to the babies, and engage them, read to them. They LOVE eye contact.

We didn't put much stock into the "baby MUST listen to Mozart", but music was a big part of their experiences. My son for some reason was most soothed by hard blues and the Rolling Stone's Sticky Fingers. Didn't much care for Exile on Main Street interestingly enough.


Other than that, there isn't any magic bullet, other than being engaged and being present to them.  Time with you is their best means of development. Patience is REALLY important. Remember that everything is temporary, so when you think your patience is being tested (and it WILL get tested) you have to have perspective.

I am still shocked at how many parents---particularly dads who really don't want to invest their time with their children.

[amysrevenge]

Some of this is repeats.

1) LOTS of holding, carrying, rocking, etc.
2) Don't lie about your state of mind to your partner.  Don't pretend you're not tired/frustrated when you are.
3) Music - all Weird Al, all the time.  That's my vote.  (Although Tim Minchin works too.)
4) Lots of talking.  Real talking.  Baby talk is for aunts and grandmothers to do.
5) Nesting during pregnancy.  Just go with it.  Personally, I built more IKEA furniture in months 7 and 8 than I have in the rest of my life (and I spent 10-ish years in various colleges and universities).
6) Time is a paradox.  Drags on forever and goes by in an instant, both at once.  Just go with it.

[Armenoid]

Congratulations.

I don't know if you are the mother or the father. I assume mother,

uh..  see subject title.       thanks for advice.. i'm more thinking about tricks after birth.. an impact can be made in first couple of years in how they learn to learn

thanks seamas as well.. first 3 months you're definitely supposed to hold the baby when it cries.  too traumatic at the start

[amysrevenge]

I haven't figured out yet whether strong accents will end up being a benefit or a detriment as far as language development goes.  Our nanny had a moderate spanish accent (Peru), and now all the ladies at the daycare have much much stronger various African/Indian/Middle Eastern accents.

[seamas]

i'm more thinking about tricks after birth.. an impact can be made in first couple of years in how they learn to learn

There isn't really anything more than you speaking and engaging them, giving them a variety of (age appropriate) experiences.

In those ages they learn from seeing and hearing and experiences. It doesn't need to be complicated.

NO Television!!

[Halleyscomet/Wakefield]

ASL for children.
My wife and I used Baby Signing Time


I had this long post written where I detailed all the advantages I'd seen in raising my son, and why we'll stick with it if we have another kid. Then a browser crash ate it. Instead of rewriting the whole thing I'll give bullet points.

You will be able to talk to your kid about if they're hungry, cold, thirsty, tired or in pain MONTHS before they can tell you these things verbally.

If you stick with it you can have entire conversations when everyone in the house has sore throats and can't talk.

It's pretty easy.

It gives you a secret party language.

Being able to sign makes the whole "Don't talk with your mouth full" lesson easier for kids to swallow.

Your kid ends up with a larger vocabulary by kindergarten.

My son started reading at a younger age than his peers.

Baby Signing Time provides kids music that won't drive you bonkers.

[Armenoid]

i'm more thinking about tricks after birth.. an impact can be made in first couple of years in how they learn to learn

There isn't really anything more than you speaking and engaging them, giving them a variety of (age appropriate) experiences.

In those ages they learn from seeing and hearing and experiences. It doesn't need to be complicated.

NO Television!!

right.. well on TV from watching a TED recently, i learned that TV can be ok in moderation but programming has to be paced like real life.. no fast action, constant scene changes.     kid isn't going to avoid the big ass tv that's on a lot

[Halleyscomet/Wakefield]

More music recommendations:

Here Comes Science by They Might Be Giants  (I had the only two year old with a basic comprehension of the circulatory system)

Here Come the ABCs by They Might Be Giants (Some of the puppet videos freaked my son out at first.)

Here Come The 123s by They Might Be Giants

No! by They Might Be Giants (The bedtime songs actually soothed my child to bed, despite being fairly noisy when compared to the classic lullaby)

Snacktime by Barenaked Ladies (The Popcorn song is a particular favorite of my son's)

[Morvis13]

Routine, Routine, Routine.
set time for bath, stories and bed.
time to get up and get dressed. Time to eat.

Get down on the floor and play with the kids.
Wait for night cries to be more serious. Don't pick them up on every whimper but make sure thier needs are taken care of.
Enjoy ever single moment, even the inconsolable 3am screaming.

[jaypee]

4) Lots of talking.  Real talking.  Baby talk is for aunts and grandmothers to do.

+infinity.

[Guillermo]

Father, got it. My original draft had you as the father, but then I second guessed it, and missed looking at the title.

I would disagree with the Television part. Yes, absolutely, going outside, interacting and all that goes first, but you can also let your baby view TV. At least once he starts moving about the house. Their attention span is usually very short, so it's not like they'll stick for hours. Everything in moderation.

Also, one of the important things. Some are real obvious for us skeptics.
- Full vaccination program.
- Use breast milk for as long as possible.
- Do not over feed him. They do not need to look plum to be healthy.
- Once they start eating. Do not worry about whether they eat or not. They will eat when they are hungry. Just give them a balanced diet.
- Try not to make fat kids, and don't worry much about them not eating. Follow your pediatrics advice.
- Ive got this homeopathic herbal medicine, does wonders on all ailments.

hmmm, that last one shouldn't go there :/

[Halleyscomet/Wakefield]

Colic is real.

The #1 cause is acid reflux.

Prescription Infant's Prilosec saved my sanity.

On a related note, you WILL be sleep deprived. Get accustomed to caffinating safely and effectively.

[jaypee]

Buy Mylicon, that will help a lot with gas pain in the first month of life.