Topic: Reading from the bible tommorrow

[341gerbig]

Yea, so my grandpas funeral is tomorrow, and since im the only member of my family that doesn't suffer from debilitating stage fright, I
was asked to read 3 bible passages along with the eulogy, an im not sure how I feel about it. On one hand, I am helping my family with the grieving process, and I am really the only one who can actually get up in front of hundreds of people without having a breakdown.

on the other hand, my family knows I am an atheist, I make no effort to hide it on my facebook page, and I don't attend family church events when they happen, yet they asked me to do it. It feels like a lack of respect for my faith (I feel guilty for being selfish about worrying about respect)

I really dont know what I am asking, Just looking for perspective/looking to talk my feelings out.


Has anyone else been put in a similar situation?

[AQB24712]

I think the important thing here is that your family asked you to do this for them, you know you can do this to help them, and you know your doing it will help them. 

You don't have to believe the words.  You're an actor in this situation, a performer.  Actors say lots of words that don't reflect their personal beliefs.  It doesn't make you a bad atheist or anything.  When you get to the eulogy, you're 341gerbig again.  It's fine.

Thank you for helping your mom and grandma and the rest of the family.

[341gerbig]

I think the important thing here is that your family asked you to do this for them, you know you can do this to help them, and you know your doing it will help them. 

You don't have to believe the words.  You're an actor in this situation, a performer.  Actors say lots of words that don't reflect their personal beliefs.  It doesn't make you a bad atheist or anything.  When you get to the eulogy, you're 341gerbig again.  It's fine.

Thank you for helping your mom and grandma and the rest of the family.

Thats the thought process I am going through right now

Helping my family feel better/grieve > My personal belief's

And i worked in musical theatre for years, so me reading it convincingly is no problem

[AQB24712]

Good man.

[Caffiene]

Helping my family feel better/grieve > My personal belief's

I think theres two seperate things going on there...

You can definitely help your family by doing the readings. I think you would also be justified in being annoyed at the assumption that you couldnt find your own equally good readings instead of being told it has to come from their religion.

[341gerbig]

Helping my family feel better/grieve > My personal belief's

I think theres two seperate things going on there...

You can definitely help your family by doing the readings. I think you would also be justified in being annoyed at the assumption that you couldnt find your own equally good readings instead of being told it has to come from their religion.

I totally feel that way as well, but I just don't feel this is the time/place for that argument.
They let me write my own eulogy, so I dont really mind reading a few passages from the bible.

[AQB24712]

That was my next question: Who wrote the eulogy?  I can see the eulogy as 341gerbig's contribution and the three readings as another family member's contribution, but for some reason that family member was unable to do the presentation (I've seen readers substitute on the spot when the contributor was unable to continue).  I can separate the two, but I see your point, Caffiene.

[Neon Genesis]

Just think you're reading out of a Harry Potter novel.

[Karyn]

There was a discussion recently on something...Ask an Atheist, I think.  Respect the wishes of the dead.  Would he have wanted those bible verses read?

[341gerbig]

There was a discussion recently on something...Ask an Atheist, I think.  Respect the wishes of the dead.  Would he have wanted those bible verses read?

That is a yes

[D'oh!]

If you cross your fingers during the reading, it won't count so you'll be fine...

But seriously, it's a good thing you're doing for the family.  A funeral is not the time for a debate; I think honoring the dead's wishes is the priority. 

And they should honor your wishes in kind when the time comes (hopefully many, many years from now).

[TalkingBook]

First off, my condolences.

Secondly, I pretty much agree with everything that's been said here so far. By asking you to do the eulogy, your family is showing their trust in you and your abilities, and thus their respect for you. As long as the bible passages aren't inflammatory or they weren't being overly pushy about it, I don't think there's any reason to take their request as a sign of disrespect.

Religion is for many people just a way of expressing their feelings of brotherly affection for their neighbors, communities and mankind in general, and thus a positive thing. My grandparents are this type of "love'm all" Christians, which is the reason why I've never felt the need to challenge their beliefs (nor do they proselytize to me). For this reason I also don't think I would have any problem reciting a few verses out of a book, which for them represents a positive thing, at their funerals when the time comes.

Anyway, my two cents. Take care, and good luck to you!

[Soldier of FORTRAN]

It feels like a lack of respect for my faith

Used to be religious, eh?

I'd say given that it's your grandfather and his wishes, it's just a matter now of what passages to read.

they should honor your wishes in kind when the time comes (hopefully many, many years from now).

I'd want a fog machine and laser lights at dawn. 

[Tatyana]

Sorry for your loss.

Do your grandfather proud.

Cyber hugs.

[TheIrreverend]

There was a discussion recently on something...Ask an Atheist, I think.  Respect the wishes of the dead.  Would he have wanted those bible verses read?

I'm sure this is tough and frankly, in a real life situation, I think you should do what you think is right.  That's it.  In the end you have to feel good about your decision, so it's totally up to you.

In the abstract, however, I disagree with you here, Karyn, for two reasons.

1) Why, as a society, are we obsessed with the "wishes of the dead"?  If a parent asks you do something which seems arbitrary you don't think about it.  If they suddenly drop dead, the request takes on a totemic symbolism and suddenly the request has some deeper meaning which it didn't have before.  If a person needs to go through with that as some kind of coping method, that's fine, but that's an individual decision.  I don't think there is any reason why the wishes of a person when dead should mean any more than their wishes when they're alive.

2) There's a bit of an implication that the only way 341gerbig can eulogize his grandfather is by reading these verses.  Wouldn't it be more meaningful if he said something from his own heart?  If those verses are particularly meaningful, I'm sure someone else can read it.  Most of the things I remember most from funerals are stories and anecdotes from the person's lives, not the rote recitation of religious texts.

Moving back out of abstraction, however, my initial point remains.  I'm sorry for your loss and ultimately, you should do what you think is best.  Funeral and the like are not rational events where everything has to be logical or rationally thought out - they are emotional events for the people who are still alive.  I hope it all goes well.