Topic: Emotional Intelligence: How does one improve it?

[defcube]

I read the other posts on here about emotional intelligence. The consensus seems to be that EI is real, but difficult to quantify. Also, people stated to beware of woo with those selling "how to improve your EI" courses.

Has anyone had success developing their EI? What methods did you use?

I checked Amazon, and Daniel Goleman seems to have the best ratings for an "emotional intelligence" search. I'm a bit skeptical because some of his other books turn me off, like "Measuring the Immeasurable: The Scientific Case for Spirituality".

[defcube]

Maybe I should have posted this in the "Health, Fitness, Nutrition, and Medicine" board? Mods, feel free to move it.

[Johnny Slick]

Goleman's the guy who came up with the term emotional intelligence. His book on the subject is really interesting, although I haven't read any of his other work (and yeah, I'd be a bit skittish of that spirituality book as well). As to your question, Goleman talks about there being nine different kinds of intelligence in the book. I'm not sure how much actual evidence there is for its existence, but I will say that a. we're still at a pretty early stage in understanding the workings of the mind, and b. I think there's still some utility in considering it even if it turns out to not be entirely true.

As for how to gain skill in it... it's probably one of the more, if not the most intuitive-mind sided intelligences Goleman proposes. There might be books on the subject which would help if you're *really* clueless as to what various facial expressions/other body languages mean. Beyond that, hanging out with other people a lot is probably going to be the best/only way to really gain expertise in the subject (and on a side note, consider how much some people hang out in groups like that, unconsciously practicing their trade. One of the better takeaways from Goleman's book is the understanding that "social butterflies" aren't necessary dumb just because their area of study is in emotional intelligence and social interaction as opposed to logic or reading comprehension).

[Jolimont]

My friends who used to be heavily invested in Scientology keep talking about "Emotional Intelligence", and just because they talk about it, it sounds like woo to me.

[defcube]

@jonny slick I'm gonna probably pick up a copy of his book then. I understand the basics of reading facial expressions, etc, but my expertise is very focused into programming skills and I never spent much time trying to be a social butterfly. I usually find code/puzzles/strategy games much more interesting than hanging out with friends. After reading your post, I have more respect for my "dumb" friends who have great social skills.

@jolimont Funny that scientology would talk about this. I would think it's too close to psychology for them to be comfortable. There is definitely a lot of woo in this subject, but that doesn't mean there might not be real science here too. I reconsidered the EI concept after listening to Steven Novella's audiobook version of Your Deceptive Mind. He touches on the subject of it in chapter 2.

[Citizen Skeptic]

I find my social intelligence goes up when I'm drunk. The rest of it pretty much goes out the window.

[MikeHz]

Everyone starts with an emotional quotient of 100 points, and this gets added to or subtracted from based on actions. For example, smoking, subtract five points. Road rage, subtract five points. Holding doors for elderly women, add a point. Donating blood, add five points. And so forth. 

[defcube]

Your description makes EI sound very similar to karma.

[andrewclunn]

Simply shut down your internal thoughts and do whatever everyone else wants you to do.  Congratulations, you now have "emotional intelligence" (aka bullshit term that means nothing).

[Jeremy's Sea]

I would think there would be something to EI, even if it doesn't play out exactly like a separate intelligence. We evolved and thrived as a species not just out of pure competition and out smarting each other, but mainly through building social relationships and cooperation. Of course we had to out compete other species (like those damned Neanderthals), but a lot of successful people in our society now have a pretty good ability to build relationships. Though brute force does seem to work sometimes too.

[Jeremy's Sea]

Everyone starts with an emotional quotient of 100 points, and this gets added to or subtracted from based on actions. For example, smoking, subtract five points. Road rage, subtract five points. Holding doors for elderly women, add a point. Donating blood, add five points. And so forth.

That's an RPG I would play! 

[Haricots]

I don't share many of the objections that are usually raised about the subject of the more broader definitions of intelligence and I do think that there is something to EI.

However, the fact that I think that it probably has some significant explanatory power does not mean that I think that focusing on the definition of EI to improve your social skills will be very fruitful.
My view might be more clear if I use the intelligence that is measured with IQ tests:
One of the tests that can be included in a clinical IQ test is an understanding the words that you typically should encounter in your culture. (It was included in WAIS when I took it at least..)
If you are troubled by your lack of vocabulary and later discover that you score well bellow average on a clinical IQ test then it might be fair to think that your lacking vocabulary is due to, at least in part, more general cognitive/learning difficulties.

But this does not mean that you should try to improve on how well you score on an IQ test, training abstract visual reasoning is not a good way to improve your vocabulary.
The IQ and the subset of intelligence that it was suppose to measure gave us an explanation of why you had these difficulties but it can't inform you how to improve on it. Studying words is still the way to improve no matter of how typical your difficulties are for your level on intelligence.

I feel that the same is true of EQ, if you think that your ability to interact with people that you don't know is a specific example of a more broad cluster of deficiencies then I'd still say that you need to improve on the areas that you feel that you need improvement and not try to eliminate the whole cluster of difficulties in one sweep, I really don't think that that approach would give good results.

If you have a clinical disorder like Asperger syndrome or ADHD that can explain a lot of your issues then I'd suggest that you look at good literature that is aimed at those specific issues. (You might qualify for a diagnosis without knowing it as well.)
If you have other issues like social phobias or low self esteem then that might be a good place to start.
Other than that my suggestion would be to look at serious (not written by cheesy self help gurus) literature that focus on the specific thing that you want to improve. I would not focus on the EI-thing.

[Johnny Slick]

Everyone starts with an emotional quotient of 100 points, and this gets added to or subtracted from based on actions. For example, smoking, subtract five points. Road rage, subtract five points. Holding doors for elderly women, add a point. Donating blood, add five points. And so forth.

That's an RPG I would play! 

An RPG? It's called Chutes and Ladders. 

[Shibboleth]

Social skills exist. Trying to measure ones "emotional intelligence" based on social skills is a bit stupid. Who the hell defines what is a right or wrong social response?