Author Topic: Misogyny on this forum  (Read 1686 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Hanes

  • Misanthrope.
  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 10332
  • So it goes.
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #30 on: Jun 12, 2012, 08:43:36 PM »
Quote
That the community is "cliquish" is only part of human nature, and someone we need to accept.  Just because someone talks some smack about our tent-corner doesn't mean we need to redecorate.

To a degree, sure.  I'm not suggesting that we homogenize the movement or change everything we do according to our harshest critics.  I like it here.  I see nothing wrong with having our own discourse and I don't really want to abolish it in favor of what goes on in the FTB comments sections (blugh).  I still want this place to be fun.  I don't want it to be either a self-righteous rage-fest or self-deprecating grovel-fest.  I don't even like fests.

But this isn't the first time these complaints have come up against the skeptical movement at large, so I'm also talking about our role in that bigger tent.  It isn't just us, just now.  It's all kinds of places like this, just like us, doing many of the same kinds of things.  And to extent that it makes women not want to participate, it's everyone's problem.  It's just that our part of that problem is all we can really control.

And it isn't about us being bad people and trying to recover.  It's just us finding ways to be better and more inclusive skeptics, and I think there's always room for that.  There's no reason we can't still have our own discourse, with more women involved.  There's nothing about an atmosphere that might repel women that's vital to our discourse as skeptics or the challenging nature of these fora.

Oh no you don't.  I came here for an argument, damnit.


These recent criticisms aren't being made against the skeptical community, they're being made by one part of that community at another part.  It seems we both agree that we can ignore that, since, as you say, there's no reason to conform this place to other communities' ideals.

But then you go on to say that they're correct in their criticism, since we aren't being inclusive enough.  And I use "enough" markedly.  The skeptical community wants to bring in young people and their parents.  A fucking profanity filter may help that.  There is a specific action that could help attract a specific audience, but clearly we, the SGUF, aren't willing to do that.

What have we identified, specifically, that we can do to help attract women?  A few bullet points of things that any decent human already does doesn't count.


I'm very hesitant to suggest a possible thing that may be preventing women from partaking in this community as much as they otherwise would.  I'm worried that I will be called a misogynist.  As soon as I realized this was the reason I wasn't going to bring the idea up, I realized that I absolutely had to.  But that I first needed to use this to explain why oversensitivity can be a problem. 

"Oh, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings with this idea."  "I'd better not suggest this, I don't want to be a ______ist."  Instead of worrying after other people's feelings, lets concentrate on being open to all ideas, and being very critical of all ideas, and fostering a community that welcomes any and all ideas, even if they are offensive.  And if some people can't handle that they can fuck off.

I asked a girl for her opinion as to why women don't play as many video games as men.  She suggested it might be because many video games are combative and violent.  Read the paragraph above.  I want a combative, free marketplace of ideas.  A survival-of-the-fittest, no holds barred beatdown of every idea under the sun.  I want my opinions challenged and I want to call people on their bullshit.  Could it be that, either due to genetics or culture*, women in general (obviously not all women, just statistically more than men**) are turned off by that sort of environment?

If that were the case, would we be willing to sacrifice that, in this specific corner of the tent?  Or is that, like the profanity filter, something we're not willing to do.  To draw a parallel between the skeptic and "new atheist" movements, can't Hitchens coexist with Hemant Mehta?  Can we have communities that are more combative and argumentative than others within this tent, even if the demographics differ?


*culture would  be my guess, but that's a topic for another discussion.  That is, if the phenomena I'm describing actually exists and isn't completely full of shit.

** I win 1e34 internets if someone responds and blatantly ignores this key portion of the idea

Offline GodSlayer

  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 12152
  • Apteryx Pessimistus
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #31 on: Jun 12, 2012, 08:56:57 PM »
That's the community I want to take part in, one where we challange each other.  If women tend to avoid that sort of environment more than men (I'm not convinced of this), then maybe we need to discuss why that is.  That would be more productive than talking about how we can water this place down and make it more palitable for everyone.

that's exactly how I feel about the religious, too.

if they (women, Baptists, psychics, whoever) aren't cosmopolitan enough to withstand a place like this, we should simply ridicule them, not lower ourselves to their standards and cover our women property in an effort to be as "moral" as they wish us to be.

if some feminists can't stand this place because there are breasts to be seen here, then so be it...only the other kinds of feminists will be heard.
Quote from: La Rochefoucauld
If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.

Offline Hanes

  • Misanthrope.
  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 10332
  • So it goes.
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #32 on: Jun 12, 2012, 09:08:31 PM »
Thanks for highlighting one of the problems with my previous post, GodSlayer.

We won't get all opinions voiced here if we aren't palitable to the people who voice those opinions.  But then having a citical atmosphere will prevent them from sticking around.  In some cases, that's probably why those ideas are held in the first place (lack of will to challenge them), but in any event they won't be heard here, to our detriment.

*sigh* people are a problem.

I'd think we'd lose more than we gain by toning down the skepticism, though.

Offline GodSlayer

  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 12152
  • Apteryx Pessimistus
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #33 on: Jun 12, 2012, 09:16:00 PM »
We won't get all opinions voiced here if we aren't palitable to the people who voice those opinions.  But then having a citical atmosphere will prevent them from sticking around.  In some cases, that's probably why those ideas are held in the first place (lack of will to challenge them), but in any event they won't be heard here, to our detriment.

or, at least, they won't be propounded by the advocates of them least willing to be challenged.

if you're right, though, I think that's just cause to mock them for having beliefs they're self-aware are flimsy nonsense and only able to be promoted to credulous audiences. ...it's like the Randi million challenge, except the only prize is respect and persuasion and making a difference in the world (and when you can make money off tithes or palm readings, why would you (the potential forum member) give a crap about something as vain as what's true).
Quote from: La Rochefoucauld
If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.

Offline Hanes

  • Misanthrope.
  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 10332
  • So it goes.
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #34 on: Jun 12, 2012, 09:26:48 PM »
Well we all have beliefs that are baseless, and we all have cognative biases that prevent us from noticing.  I'm grateful the me-robot has fallen in to some skeptical training, and I wish the them-robots would do the same, since it helps.  I don't see any reason to especially mock most people.  I mock all people (see custom title) and I do hate the scheisters, but beyond that I'm content to challenge bullshit as I see it.  And I'm glad others here are willing to do the same.

I mean, the Space Elf people were really out there, but I'm not going to mock them personally.  If they had different genetics and environment, they wouldn't think that way.  Same goes for me.

Offline GodSlayer

  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 12152
  • Apteryx Pessimistus
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #35 on: Jun 12, 2012, 09:30:59 PM »
Well we all have beliefs that are baseless, and we all have cognative biases that prevent us from noticing.  I'm grateful the me-robot has fallen in to some skeptical training, and I wish the them-robots would do the same, since it helps.  I don't see any reason to especially mock most people.

not 'most people', the ones who try to avoid being made aware of what baseless crap they're propounding.

if you believe in a fairy who guides you to the right one of all the horoscopes to tell you how to live your life that day, ...well, nothing I can do about that, since you haven't espoused the truth of such a reality. ...it's the ones who supposedly want others to agree (or at least respect what is unworthy of agreement with) whose absence from any environment to earn respect I want to mock.

it's never the belief itself, it's the unskeptical attitude with which it's held/shielded
« Last Edit: Jun 12, 2012, 09:36:52 PM by GodSlayer »
Quote from: La Rochefoucauld
If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.

Offline mmmichael

  • Off to a Start
  • *
  • Posts: 34
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #36 on: Jun 12, 2012, 09:35:28 PM »
I'm not a woman.  I have no idea what it's like to be a woman here, or how regularly I would run across a comment that makes me feel unwelcome or targeted.  When I read through the forums, it's entirely likely that there are sexist comments that I simply overlook and am not even aware of, because I'm a man and it doesn't set off any warning bells for me personally.  It's not something I have an automatic reaction to, whereas if I were a woman and read a casual comment that demeans women, I might be instantly aware of it.

I also recently was made aware of the fact that while I thought I was a male feminist, there's a good chance my position was fostered more by a preconscious paternalistic impulse, and it's probably pretty offensive to a lot of women - especially the kind currently calling us out as a boy's club.

So I'm going to have to scrap all that and start again.  And I'll have to start very simply and very slowly, but it's something that I think my ethics require of me.  So, I will try to do a better job pointing out sexism when I see it, and challenging it when I do.

I agree with superdave in that I know we all mean well, so I agree that we should be very careful not to imply otherwise.  And I think another important aspect of this is that if you are the subject of such criticism, or if a board member calls something you said "sexist" and explains why, we need to monitor our reaction.

We should preface our reaction by understanding, "this person knows that I mean well, and they aren't trying to insult me.  They're taking issue with how I've framed my argument."  It's not a personal attack, you're not a bad person, we're just learning to be more careful.

Well put.

Offline Cowtown Cody

  • Well Established
  • *****
  • Posts: 1585
  • Part-time Ferret
    • Cold North
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #37 on: Jun 12, 2012, 09:59:09 PM »
Quote
But then you go on to say that they're correct in their criticism, since we aren't being inclusive enough.  And I use "enough" markedly.

I wouldn't go so far as to say, "they're correct" with this latest round of criticism.  Especially the part where we tolerate (meaning "accept") misogyny.  I emphatically disagreed with that point in another thread.
 
But the points that are much more regularly made, over longer periods than just this last flare-up?  Those I take fairly seriously.  When it comes to harassment at conventions, or persistent complaints that we know are well-documented and have been around for a while, or that we have gotten complaints about repeatedly, those are worth addressing seriously.  I don't think we profit from saying that they're made up or insignificant.

And when we use the word "enough," we have to ask, "enough for what?"  We'll likely never be inclusive enough for every critic who has a bone to pick with us.  But are we inclusive enough that there aren't a lot of women out there who want to join, but don't because of the way our atmosphere or the atmosphere of the skeptical movement feels to them?  Because recent criticism aside, quite a lot of the movement has to contend with these older complaints.

Quote
What have we identified, specifically, that we can do to help attract women?  A few bullet points of things that any decent human already does doesn't count.

Unless, of course, we don't do those things.  In which case those things would help us include more women, and we ignore them at our own peril.  Making sure women don't feel objectified, demeaned, or disproportionately targeted are two big things that may help that it's easy to do and not even realize that it's being done.  The real bastard of a good cognitive bias is that it operates on you, and then hides.  Not only can you not see what it did to your thought process, but you never even know it's there.

Quote
"Oh, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings with this idea."  "I'd better not suggest this, I don't want to be a ______ist."  Instead of worrying after other people's feelings, lets concentrate on being open to all ideas, and being very critical of all ideas, and fostering a community that welcomes any and all ideas, even if they are offensive.  And if some people can't handle that they can fuck off.

Absolutely right.  Again, I'm not saying we should just refuse some topics or ideas because some people might be offended.  We should absolutely not do that.  I'm not talking about topics and ideas that should be okay and not okay, and I'm not sure where you're getting that.  I'm talking more about the atmosphere we create, which exists even when we're off-topic and is less a byproduct of us talking about ideas, and more a byproduct of how we interact with each other.  We have to at least ask if that might be a problem.

Quote
I asked a girl for her opinion as to why women don't play as many video games as men.  She suggested it might be because many video games are combative and violent.  Read the paragraph above.  I want a combative, free marketplace of ideas.  A survival-of-the-fittest, no holds barred beatdown of every idea under the sun.  I want my opinions challenged and I want to call people on their bullshit.  Could it be that, either due to genetics or culture*, women in general (obviously not all women, just statistically more than men**) are turned off by that sort of environment?

Statistically, that certainly could be.  But how much difference can we assign to that statistical difference, if it exists?  It's still possible that we come up short, and after all the prior statistical distributions are stacked up, we still have a gender gap that we can't explain any other way.  And if either result is possible, it's still a good idea to think about what we ought to do in both cases.

Quote
If that were the case, would we be willing to sacrifice that, in this specific corner of the tent?
 

Even if that were the case, we could still potentially sacrifice some of the tone, and have the exact same discussions in a much more diplomatic way.  We can absolutely talk about ideas in depth while still being less of an aggressive, fighty place.  Whether we'd be willing to do that - conduct ourselves with more diplomacy in our own interest - is another question.  I don't think we would.  I expect people would see that as a) unwarranted censorship, b) caving to politically correct pressures, and c) a first step toward censoring ideas.

Quote
Can we have communities that are more combative and argumentative than others within this tent, even if the demographics differ?

We can, and more importantly we must, because the movement has to have more than one strategy at its disposal if it's going to succeed.  But which type we'd like to be isn't a settled question.

All of this gets a long damn way ahead of what I'm really suggesting, which is nothing more than us taking seriously that we may be able to make changes to our behavior that do not affect significantly the intellectual content or common discourse of this forum and by doing so, we could become more of a friendly place for women.

Quote
if some feminists can't stand this place because there are breasts to be seen here, then so be it.
.
I'm not trying to make this place more "feminist" friendly.  That would be an accomodation of a set of beliefs (which vary widely among different types of feminists) and I'm not arguing that we should accomodate sets of beliefs.  I'm arguing that we can be more friendly to women.

Quote
I'd think we'd lose more than we gain by toning down the skepticism, though.
I don't think we should tone down the skepticism.

Offline GodSlayer

  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 12152
  • Apteryx Pessimistus
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #38 on: Jun 12, 2012, 10:06:33 PM »
Quote
if some feminists can't stand this place because there are breasts to be seen here, then so be it.
.
I'm not trying to make this place more "feminist" friendly.  That would be an accomodation of a set of beliefs (which vary widely among different types of feminists) and I'm not arguing that we should accomodate sets of beliefs.  I'm arguing that we can be more friendly to women.

the women who are unfriendly to forums where two threads are about body parts everyone knows a lot of people who are attracted to women are attracted to?

shouldn't we also ban any threads about homosexuality in case it's not friendly to men (surely as many men are homophobes as women are breastophobes)
Quote from: La Rochefoucauld
If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.

Offline Cowtown Cody

  • Well Established
  • *****
  • Posts: 1585
  • Part-time Ferret
    • Cold North
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #39 on: Jun 12, 2012, 10:09:48 PM »
I haven't been arguing for increased moderator activity or topic bans, and I've been completely clear about both of those.  Contextualize my statements.

Offline DRmeg378

  • Extremely Good Sport
  • Stopped Going Outside
  • *******
  • Posts: 4259
  • Mainah's
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #40 on: Jun 12, 2012, 10:18:08 PM »
Godslayer, do you think it would be appropriate to hold a business meeting at a strip club? I don't think it's ridiculous to feel this is a boys' club, based on explicit.
"I try not to think with my gut. If I'm serious about understanding the world, thinking with anything besides my brain, as tempting as that may be, is likely to get me into trouble. Really, it's okay to reserve judgment until the evidence is in." - Carl Sagan

Offline GodSlayer

  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 12152
  • Apteryx Pessimistus
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #41 on: Jun 12, 2012, 10:21:39 PM »
Godslayer, do you think it would be appropriate to hold a business meeting at a strip club? I don't think it's ridiculous to feel this is a boys' club, based on explicit.

if there's a mall with a politics cafe and a religious interfaith dialogue center and a general discussion McDonalds and a forum games play center and a science emporium and a music and tv store and a strip club, I would suggest that if you're in that mall and don't want to leave that mall to have a discussion you should head a couple stores down to somewhere more appropriate than the strip club. come to the strip club if and when you want to, or not at all if that's your inclination.

a skeptic board within a porn forum would, IMO, seem like a boys club that some women wouldn't feel comfortable joining. but that's based on my assumptions about who frequents porn forums.
Quote from: La Rochefoucauld
If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.

Offline GodSlayer

  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 12152
  • Apteryx Pessimistus
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #42 on: Jun 12, 2012, 10:25:06 PM »
I haven't been arguing for increased moderator activity or topic bans, and I've been completely clear about both of those.  Contextualize my statements.

are you saying that to me. if so, why?
Quote from: La Rochefoucauld
If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.

Offline Caffiene

  • Stopped Going Outside
  • *******
  • Posts: 5105
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #43 on: Jun 12, 2012, 10:26:55 PM »
strip club [...] boys' club

I think theres a slight jump in association, there. It seems to be implying a strip club with only women strippers, and therefore only for boys. If the strip club was happy to have male strippers, gay and lesbian strip shows, etc, calling it a boys' club would be a bit misplaced, imo. (Even if we do assume only female strippers the association of it being a boys' club seems a bit dismissive of potential bi or lesbian customers)
"Bombarded by health-giving electric atoms!"

Offline GodSlayer

  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 12152
  • Apteryx Pessimistus
Re: Misogyny on this forum
« Reply #44 on: Jun 12, 2012, 10:33:53 PM »
strip club [...] boys' club

I think theres a slight jump in association, there. It seems to be implying a strip club with only women strippers, and therefore only for boys. If the strip club was happy to have male strippers, gay and lesbian strip shows, etc, calling it a boys' club would be a bit misplaced, imo. (Even if we do assume only female strippers the association of it being a boys' club seems a bit dismissive of potential bi or lesbian customers)

it might still be quite sleazy and threatening, though.
maybe we need a 'ladies night' on the forum: every Monday/Sunday/___day certain threads are suppressed automatically, and it becomes a safe zone for all women, not just the kind who enjoy the SGU forum.
Quote from: La Rochefoucauld
If we had no faults we should not take so much pleasure in noting those of others.

 

personate-rain