Topic: gay, devout Mormon married to a woman, has 3 kids

[AxeGrrl]

Ok, have at it kids!


just an excerpt:

This is the post where I tell you that I, Josh Weed, am homosexual.

I need to clarify a couple of things.

First, I think it’s important to clarify that although The Weed is a humor blog, this post is not a joke. This isn’t satire. This is not aimed to get laughs. I promise. This is completely serious, and it is us being completely real and genuine on a subject that is very personal and very dear to our hearts.

Second, I need to clarify that this post is written from the standpoint of a devout, believing Mormon and addresses topics seen within the Mormon and broader Christian community. Please forgive us if our focus feels unfamiliar, or feels totally incongruent with the rest of the posts on this blog.

I guess the premise of this post is to share that not only am I homosexual, but I’m also a devout and believing Mormon. And that I’m very happily married to a woman, and have been for ten years now.

And for the first time, we’re talking about it publicly.

1. Why have you decided to share this information?

We have several reasons for opening up about this part of our lives. First and foremost, my clinical work as a therapist is taking me in the direction of helping clients who struggle to reconcile their sexual orientation with their religious beliefs. I have decided to be open with these clients about my own homosexuality, and in doing so have opened the door to people finding out about this in ways I can’t control. Therefore, we thought it would be wise to be the ones who told those we love about this part of our lives. Posting on the blog was the simplest way to make sure that happened as it would be impossible to sit all of the people we have known and loved in our lives down and share this personally.

The second reason is that the issue of homosexuality is not very well understood. We wanted to add our voice and experience to the dialogue taking place about this very sensitive issue.

Thirdly, I (Josh) feel the desire to be more open regarding this part of my identity. I have found that sharing this part of me allows my relationships with others to be more authentic. It has deepened my friendships and enhanced my interactions, and it has also helped me to feel more accepted by others as it allows others the opportunity to choose to accept me for who I really am.

2. What do you mean when you say you’re “gay”?

When I say I am gay or homosexual or same-sex attracted (and I use these terms interchangeably, which is a personal decision) I refer specifically to sexual orientation. I am sexually attracted to men. I am not sexually attracted to women. It is very simple. I have many, many years of experience which confirm this to be true, but it’s really as simple as what a girl asked me* in junior high—and I’m sorry if this is a little blunt, but I’ve never found a question that cuts to the heart of the matter more effectively— “so, if everyone in this room took off their clothes, would you be turned on by the girls or the guys?” My answer, which I didn’t say out loud, was unquestionably the guys. And it was unquestionably not the girls. And that still is my answer. It’s really not very complicated. Most people just don’t think about their sexual orientation because they don’t have any reason to.

*Why did a girl ask me that question in junior high? Because a bully actively spread a rumor around the entire school that I was a “woman trapped in a man’s body.” This was unbelievably horrific and traumatizing, and I was harassed every single day about it, often by perfect strangers. I was more effeminate, played the violin, didn’t play sports, was never interested in girls and didn’t hang out with guys, and so people glommed onto that rumor and ruthlessly harassed me for the entire year, culminating in a yearbook filled with breathtakingly insensitive taunts. Being the gay kid is really, really hard in junior high. If you know a gay kid in junior high, give them a hug and tell them you love them. I assure you they could use it.

3. When did you know you were gay?

I knew I was gay when I was 11 or 12. That’s the onset of puberty, when humans begin to feel sexual attractions. For a little while I was waiting for the attraction to girls to set in because that’s what everyone said would happen, but then there was a sinking moment of realization—a thought like “oh, this thing for guys is its replacement.” I told my parents shortly thereafter, when it seemed pretty clear that my sexuality wasn’t playing a trick on me, and the girl thing wasn’t going to happen, but the guy thing was totally happening. I was 13 when I told my dad (a member of the Stake Presidency—which is a lay leader in the Mormon church—at the time). My parents were incredibly loving and supportive, which is part of why I believe I’m so well adjusted today. They deserve serious props for being so loving and accepting—I never felt judged or unwanted or that they wished to change anything about me. That’s part of why I have never been ashamed about this part of myself. (I feel plenty of shame about other irrational things, like the fact that I can’t catch a ball or change a tire (as you may have noticed on the blog)—and I’m working on that stuff because toxic shame isn’t a good thing. But I’ve never been shameful about who I am, or about this feature of me as a critical part of my person, which it is in the same way that sexuality is a critical part of any person.)

4. If you’re married to a woman, how can you really be gay?

This is a really good question and I can see how people can be confused about it. Some might assume that because I’m married to a woman, I must be bisexual. This would be true if sexual orientation was defined by sexual experience. Heck, if sexual orientation were defined by sexual experience, I would be as straight as the day is long even though I’ve never been turned on by a Victoria’s Secret commercial in my entire life. Sexual orientation is defined by attraction, not by experience. In my case, I am attracted sexually to men. Period. Yet my marriage is wonderful, and Lolly and I have an extremely healthy and robust sex life. How can this be?

The truth is, what people are really asking with the above question is “how can you be gay if your primary sex partner is a girl?” I didn’t fully understand the answer to this question until I was doing research on sexuality in grad school even though I had been happily married for almost five years at that point. I knew that I was gay, and I also knew that sex with my wife was enjoyable. But I didn’t understand how that was happening. Here is the basic reality that I actually think many people could use a lesson in: sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust and it is about more than just passion and infatuation. I won’t get into the boring details of the research here, but basically when sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy. It is about one human being connecting with another human being they love. It is a beautiful physical manifestation of two people being connected in a truly vulnerable, intimate manner because they love each other profoundly. It is bodies connecting and souls connecting. It is beautiful and rich and fulfilling and spiritual and amazing. Many people never get to this point in their sex lives because it requires incredible communication, trust, vulnerability, and connection. And Lolly and I have had that from day one, mostly because we weren’t distracted by the powerful chemicals of infatuation and obsession that usually bring a couple together (which dwindle dramatically after the first few years of marriage anyway). So, in a weird way, the circumstances of our marriage allowed us to build a sexual relationship that is based on everything partners should want in their sex-life: intimacy, communication, genuine love and affection. This has resulted in us having a better sex life than most people I personally know. Most of whom are straight. Go fig

(the article goes on quite a bit longer here):

http://www.lifesitenews.com/news/club-unicorn-i-am-a-gay-devout-mormon-happily-married-to-a-woman-with-three

[andrewclunn]

Whatever floats his boat.  Doesn't bother me if he calls himself gay or that he has a wife.  The great thing about not giving a shit about other's personal life choices is that the question of, "Is he really gay?" doesn't matter.

[AxeGrrl]

Whatever floats his boat.  Doesn't bother me if he calls himself gay or that he has a wife.  The great thing about not giving a shit about other's personal life choices is that the question of, "Is he really gay?" doesn't matter.

I agree with something andrew said?    *mind blown*

[Neon Genesis]

This reminds me of this song: gay boyfriend

[Desert Fox]

My concern is that he supports the church trying to force this on other homosexuals
From what I have read, Utah has a huge gay suicide problem, largely kids from Mormon families who have been rejected.

[andrewclunn]

Whatever floats his boat.  Doesn't bother me if he calls himself gay or that he has a wife.  The great thing about not giving a shit about other's personal life choices is that the question of, "Is he really gay?" doesn't matter.

I agree with something andrew said?    *mind blown*

See typically when people do that it's some lurker that I don't know from Adam 

[Ajzzz]

Yeah, if they're happy fine, I never saw the logic in homosexuals arguing on whether it was biological or not based on the moral conclusions they drew from it, I just don't care what people do with their junk as long as its consensual. I don't think it's right that he's been indoctrinated into this life style, it's wrong that he was taught this is how he should live and that being with people who he is attracted to is wrong. However, he seems to arguing a point of view that's flagrant bullshit, and makes me think that this is an agenda driven charade that if people believe could cause great harm.

Here is the basic reality that I actually think many people could use a lesson in: sex is about more than just visual attraction and lust and it is about more than just passion and infatuation. I won’t get into the boring details of the research here, but basically when sex is done right, at its deepest level it is about intimacy. It is about one human being connecting with another human being they love. It is a beautiful physical manifestation of two people being connected in a truly vulnerable, intimate manner because they love each other profoundly. It is bodies connecting and souls connecting. It is beautiful and rich and fulfilling and spiritual and amazing. Many people never get to this point in their sex lives because it requires incredible communication, trust, vulnerability, and connection.

I've heard this from another douchebag Christian, it's a massive lie to sell an even bigger lie. Also I get the impression, spoiler explicit:

(click to show/hide)

pegging and asphyxiation

may be involved. Plenty of words that should set off alarms for skeptics, such as "deepest level", "spiritual" and "souls".

[WC]

Gay people pounded into hetero baby making nightmares is extremely common in Mormon UT.

This is weird, unusual. I'm not sure what to make of this. My jaw is on the floor.

[WC]

My concern is that he supports the church trying to force this on other homosexuals
From what I have read, Utah has a huge gay suicide problem, largely kids from Mormon families who have been rejected.

This. The problems and abuses of the Church go far beyond the resulting suicides, there is so much. So much.

[Johnny Slick]

Is there any particular reason we're assuming pegging or asphyxiation is involved? I mean, asphyxiation isn't even a necessary part of gay sex (well, neither is pegging but at least something resembling a penis is involved... IIRC something like half of gay relationships stick with oral sex though).

[Desert Fox]

My concern is that he supports the church trying to force this on other homosexuals
From what I have read, Utah has a huge gay suicide problem, largely kids from Mormon families who have been rejected.

This. The problems and abuses of the Church go far beyond the resulting suicides, there is so much. So much.

I have enough issues in my own life to judge him

I did have a though though. . . His kids look young, maybe 6 or 7
I known several trans-genders who had kids, started a family, and only in their 50s or 60s do they decide that they can no longer live a heterosexual life styles.

[Johnny Slick]

I for one wouldn't care too much if this guy waited until he was in his 50s or 60s. My main concern is that at some point he'll decide that his biology is more important than maintaining the household, and while I really feel for the guy, that's a hard thing to decide to do even when you were once attracted to your spouse but aren't anymore. It may actually be worse if he *does* stay, if staying means building up resentment for his spouse.

[Desert Fox]

I for one wouldn't care too much if this guy waited until he was in his 50s or 60s. My main concern is that at some point he'll decide that his biology is more important than maintaining the household, and while I really feel for the guy, that's a hard thing to decide to do even when you were once attracted to your spouse but aren't anymore. It may actually be worse if he *does* stay, if staying means building up resentment for his spouse.

Or he will decide he just cannot live that way and take his own life prematurely.

[Neon Genesis]

My biggest concern isn't that he's a member of the Mormon church but that all the homophobic Christians will be going around using this story to prove that homosexuality is a choice and you can cure your sexuality through praying the gay away.  And how exactly does one have a spiritual sexual relationship?  Are they having a threeway with Jesus?

[Johnny Slick]

My biggest concern isn't that he's a member of the Mormon church but that all the homophobic Christians will be going around using this story to prove that homosexuality is a choice and you can cure your sexuality through praying the gay away.  And how exactly does one have a spiritual sexual relationship?  Are they having a threeway with Jesus?

While I agree it gives the 'phobes cover, and I agree that's a bad thing, I think that someone like this can also have an effect on that church similar to the effect of an untreated cavity. As long as there's a guy in their congregation who is saying he's gay but choosing to raise kids because he loves Jesus so much, they can't *exactly* denounce homosexuals as evil creatures. They have to go the roundabout way of denouncing homosexuality. And a movement without an enemy is a movement that dissipates.