Author Topic: My Song Lyrics  (Read 1477 times)

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Offline MikeNH

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My Song Lyrics
« on: December 08, 2010, 10:05:31 PM »
Here are the lyrics to an acoustic song I wrote a few years back called Without You:

My feet find themselves at home wrapped in concrete
as i run.
These old sheets, vacant and so cold as I sleep
for one.

These wrinkled clothes I wear feel like someone's
old throwaways.
This old soul inside of me feels like someones
old stowaway.

I know I can live alone,
but without you it wont feel like home.

Sometimes I feel like I've loved a thousand
girls the same.
I'm trying to find the one that i can love a thousand
different ways.

There are many who i know would pull me from the fire,
they're all the same.
I am searchin' for the one who'd go inside of me,
put out these flames.

I know i can live alone,
but without you it wont feel like home.

I imagine all kinds of different scenes in these picture frames
upon my shelf.
But the worst is all these different dreams I know wont come true,
I tell myself.

I know I can live alone,
but without you it wont feel like home.

Offline MikeNH

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Re: My Song Lyrics
« Reply #1 on: December 08, 2010, 10:12:58 PM »
Here's an older song I wrote for a female friend of mine... Yeah, it's cheesy... Chicks like cheesy though...  :) Being song lyrics, much of the emotion comes from it being sung and with the guitar accompaniment, but I'll post them anyway... This song is actually based upon some conversations we had, some of the things we did together, and how I felt about a situation she was in at the time...

Stars in the Sky

What if you knew exactly when you were gonna die,
what would you change?
Would anybody remember you,
or would they forget your name?

Do you remember the night you cried,
when i finally figured you out?
I'll admit i might have shed a tear,
'cause you knew what i was all about.

We went and stood in the graveyard where
our feelings were right at home.
just like the statues that lined the rows ,
our feelings were carved out of stone.

You imagine a perfect world,
but you never plan for the day.
I will show you everything you dream of
is only a smile away.

When you smile the stars in the sky collide as they're bouncing around
When you believe the lights in the sky, that's when your love will be found.

One day you'll realize that you can fight your fears
and you will win.
Someday you'll see yourself for who you are,
and that's when your life can begin.

I can see all the emotions that you hide
behind those eyes.
You know with me there is no reason
to hide behind that disguise.

Grab a little bit of heaven right here on earth
while you still can.
You need to find out who you want to be
before life changes all your plans.

When you smile the stars in the sky collide as they're bouncing around
When you believe the lights in the sky, that's when your love will be found.

Offline Jeremy's Sea

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Re: My Song Lyrics
« Reply #2 on: December 16, 2010, 02:09:43 PM »
Sometimes I feel like I've loved a thousand
girls the same.
I'm trying to find the one that i can love a thousand
different ways.
I don't know if you wanted critique or not, but I'll start by saying you definitely have some diamonds in the rough here. Good work!
Your stuff is best when you're using metaphor or imagery. This is generally true for anyone's poems or lyrics. The lines I quoted are pretty close to being perfect; that's something that would stick, that's a hook.
Don't spend so much time talking about how you feel, show how you feel, use imagery for that. Good art isn't literal; too much of the lyrics fall into overly dramatic cliches, but when you start riffing on metaphors the lyrics get really strong!

Also, if the song is less than 20 minutes take out about half of what you wrote and tighten the songs down a bit. I marvel at this band from New Zealand called Minuit; the singer Ruth will generally have about 10 lines of lyrics in any given song and they're almost purely imagery. It's shockingly effective.

I hope this helps. Keep it up!
Knowledge is power. France is bacon.

Offline MikeNH

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Re: My Song Lyrics
« Reply #3 on: December 16, 2010, 03:22:56 PM »
Sometimes I feel like I've loved a thousand
girls the same.
I'm trying to find the one that i can love a thousand
different ways.
I don't know if you wanted critique or not, but I'll start by saying you definitely have some diamonds in the rough here. Good work!
Your stuff is best when you're using metaphor or imagery. This is generally true for anyone's poems or lyrics. The lines I quoted are pretty close to being perfect; that's something that would stick, that's a hook.
Don't spend so much time talking about how you feel, show how you feel, use imagery for that. Good art isn't literal; too much of the lyrics fall into overly dramatic cliches, but when you start riffing on metaphors the lyrics get really strong!

Also, if the song is less than 20 minutes take out about half of what you wrote and tighten the songs down a bit. I marvel at this band from New Zealand called Minuit; the singer Ruth will generally have about 10 lines of lyrics in any given song and they're almost purely imagery. It's shockingly effective.

I hope this helps. Keep it up!

Thanks for the critiques, I appreciate it! I'm no poet by any means, just a casual song-writer... To best honest I'm more proud of the songs themselves, the chord voicings, progressions, etc.. I always struggle to put words to the music that are 'good enough'... I'm a way better guitarist than I am a song-writer...

All of my pop songs are about 4.5 minutes long.. A bit longer than most radio stuff, but not too long.... I enjoy metaphors so much, but I think I tend to get bogged down a lot trying to extend them further than I should, and I hear so many other songs that have no metaphors at all but speak literally in interesting ways....

Thanks for the comments, and that line you did quote was one of my favorites, but was inspired by something else I heard a while back, although not stolen or anything...  :D


Offline Jeremy's Sea

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Re: My Song Lyrics
« Reply #4 on: December 16, 2010, 03:29:26 PM »
Thanks for the comments, and that line you did quote was one of my favorites, but was inspired by something else I heard a while back, although not stolen or anything...  :D
Shit, all of my best stuff is inspired.
It's always interesting to hear what other people take away too. Sometimes I will think I'm wearing my influences on my sleeve and no one hears it (all the better!).
Other times I'll have people be like "it sounds like such and such" and the influence would never have crossed my mind, or it wouldn't have been an actual influence. If art is the internalization of the world and experience repurposed and reinterpreted then there is no way to avoid being inspired.

I have also written plenty of songs around lyrics that never get used by a singer... so it's a process for sure. I wouldn't worry too much about writing lyrics that are good enough, just put the same amount of thoughtfulness and time into them as into your guitar playing, it'll come along in time.  ;)
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Offline MikeNH

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Re: My Song Lyrics
« Reply #5 on: December 16, 2010, 04:11:34 PM »
Thanks for the comments, and that line you did quote was one of my favorites, but was inspired by something else I heard a while back, although not stolen or anything...  :D
Shit, all of my best stuff is inspired.
It's always interesting to hear what other people take away too. Sometimes I will think I'm wearing my influences on my sleeve and no one hears it (all the better!).
Other times I'll have people be like "it sounds like such and such" and the influence would never have crossed my mind, or it wouldn't have been an actual influence. If art is the internalization of the world and experience repurposed and reinterpreted then there is no way to avoid being inspired.

I have also written plenty of songs around lyrics that never get used by a singer... so it's a process for sure. I wouldn't worry too much about writing lyrics that are good enough, just put the same amount of thoughtfulness and time into them as into your guitar playing, it'll come along in time.  ;)

haha yeah thanks.... I find, as you did, that in most of my songs there are one or two lines that are just way better or meaningful than the rest... It's usually because I'm randomly hit with inspiration about something and come up with a really great line, but then am stuck with the rest of the song and just need to add more stuff around that particular line....  ;D

I'm gonna go get my acoustic and write something now actually... Thanks!

 

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