Author Topic: Sell me on a pseudoscience  (Read 1144 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Anders

  • Deleted
  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • *
  • Posts: 13805
Sell me on a pseudoscience
« on: October 22, 2011, 05:37:13 AM »
Here's how it works. I post an idea for a pseudoscience and the next person has to come up with a sales pitch for it. Then they end their post with a new pseudoscience.

Idea: Being massaged by cats can cure all ills

@Guillermo: Nice, although I would add two things.

a) Did you know that the worship of cats stretches back as far as the dawn of civilization?

b) Did you know that cats have been used for research into the fundamentals of quantum mechanics?
« Last Edit: October 22, 2011, 08:35:50 AM by Anders »
“Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science.” Charles Darwin

Offline Guillermo

  • Frequent Poster
  • ******
  • Posts: 3197
  • (╯°□°)╯︵ ┻━┻
Re: Sell me on a pseudoscience
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2011, 08:20:25 AM »
Ever wonder why cats paw at things. Well this act releases pheromones that act on your innate immune system that fortify and strengthen it. Dozens of research has been done on cat paws massage and the evidence is there.

P.S. all cats have had their claws trimmed. (Except for the ultra deluxe massage)

Pseudoscience: Poo on a stick keeps the evil spirits away.
"There will one day be a member named "No Lynch" and he won't be able to play mafia.  :P"

Offline David E.

  • Poster of Extraordinary Magnitude
  • **********
  • Posts: 15291
  • Contentedly Misanthropic.
Re: Sell me on a pseudoscience
« Reply #2 on: October 23, 2011, 10:23:11 AM »
By their Nature all spirits still have their senses, to better interact and guide the living through life.  The sense of smell is the most important of these senses as any Scientist will tell you, the sense of smell is the sense most attached to memory, and the spirits use their memory of us to guide us through life.  The effervescent smell of our all natural fecal extract product will keep the spirits of those who would wish you harm away from you, while the spirits of those who love you will only bask in the radiant glow of You.  You can have your fecal extract solids stored in this homeopathic solution for an extra payment of $19.99.


Pseudoscience:  Moon-Glow: The tanning solution that allows you to tan by moonlight. 
People are so used to criticizing religion in whispers, that a normal voice, sounds like a shout.

Offline Bunsen

  • Reef Tank Owner
  • *********
  • Posts: 8198
  • Big Pharma wants you to think cooked milk is safe!
Re: Sell me on a pseudoscience
« Reply #3 on: October 24, 2011, 01:15:22 PM »
Pseudoscience:  Moon-Glow: The tanning solution that allows you to tan by moonlight. 

The sun's fatal rays are harmful, harmful, harmful!  But what if you could tan by those glorious rays, but safely filtered by the moon's regolith, which four out of five dentists claim can prevent cavities and give your skin a healthy tone?  Buy Moon-Glow today, and stop wasting half your day not tanning!

Pseudoscience:  Quantum Osmotic Learning

Offline Cowtown Cody

  • Well Established
  • *****
  • Posts: 1354
  • Here's to all that confounds us.
Re: Sell me on a pseudoscience
« Reply #4 on: November 03, 2011, 09:28:06 PM »
Tired of time-consuming study methods? Frustrated at the ease with which you maim yourself with even the finest ergonomic pens and pencils?  Chi disrupted by the notoriously poor energy flow in the classroom?  We have the secret to becoming brilliant that Big Note doesn't want you to know.  Through advances in quantum mechanics, our quantum mechanics have found a way for you to learn directly from your book! 

Purchase our patented "Press your book against your forehead" kit, featuring our state-of-the-quantum quantum cellophane filter.  The quantum filter acts as a conduit, channeling the neutrinos that comprise the book's information directly to your neurons.  Just place the quantum filter over the page you want to learn, and press it against your forehead!  No reading or clumsy writing instruments required!  For only $200, you can make up for years of college slacking and yes, even high school apathy!

Not satisfied with all the wisdom in the cosmos, you malcontent?  Simply return your filter to us along with a small handling fee, and we'll return your full payment, and you can keep any quantum knowledge you obtained as our gift to you!


Now sell me on some ESP-enhancing cookies, and explain why you made them out of pork medallions.