Author Topic: Sex, age, and morality.  (Read 1313 times)

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Offline Skeptress

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #15 on: March 14, 2017, 10:50:29 PM »
I really should read the entire thread before commenting.  :laugh:
« Last Edit: March 14, 2017, 10:53:02 PM by Skeptress »
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Offline Skeptress

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #16 on: March 14, 2017, 10:51:58 PM »
I'm disturbed that you all seem to be citing 50 as the age of impossibly ancient, asexual, geezer.

Not at all. It was only a hypothetical. I honestly picked it as an even number. I could have gone with 70 or 40.
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Offline amysrevenge

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #17 on: March 15, 2017, 10:10:49 AM »
Have you seen any 21 year olds lately?  So much energy.  Seems like it would be exhausting.
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Offline Ah.hell

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #18 on: March 15, 2017, 11:17:35 AM »
I briefly dated a 20 something when I was 30 something, it was exhausting and I was a bit of a creep, I should have known better.

There's some decent evidence that our brains don't fully develop until our mid 20s.  Since that confirms my anecdotal experience and biases, I think I'm justified in drawing a line sometime around there.   

As noted by others, we all exist on a bell curve and while there's nothing necessarily wrong with an 18 year old going home with a 60 year old, there is with near certainly some imbalances there that will likely make it a dubious choice for sure.

Offline petrolpetal

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #19 on: March 16, 2017, 09:29:56 AM »
I must admit this thread has bummed me out a bit. It's a sensitive spot for me. I'm 16 years the senior in my relationship ... and it's the 'wrong' way around. It's much more 'acceptable' for the male to be the senior. Maybe that has to do with child bearing issues. IDK. Anyway, I have to actively, consciously tell myself that I would be an idiot to try and see into the future and to just live in the moment. But there's a niggle. Things are perfect now but there will be a time when I'm too old for him. I don't ever want to experience realising that he sees me as old or that other people feel sorry for him being stuck with an ancient crone. On the other hand a solar flare or meteorite might strike at any second. I might even get hit by a bus tomorrow. Thats why I'm just doing the ostrich thing and living for now.

Edited to add: we met on the internet and were already in up to our ears by the time we exchanged photos or mentioned age.
« Last Edit: March 16, 2017, 10:13:00 AM by petrolpetal »

Offline Harry Black

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #20 on: March 16, 2017, 10:11:42 AM »
I must admit this thread has bummed me out a bit. It's a sensitive spot for me. I'm 16 years the senior in my relationship ... and it's the 'wrong' way around. It's much more 'acceptable' for the male to be the senior. Maybe that has to do with child bearing issues. IDK. Anyway, I have to actively, consciously tell myself that I would be an idiot to try and see into the future and to just live in the moment. But there's a niggle. Things are perfect now but there will be a time when I'm too old for him. I don't ever want to experience realising that he sees me as old or that other people feel sorry for him being stuck with an ancient crone. On the other hand a solar flare or meteorite might strike at any second. I might even get hit by a bus tomorrow. Thats why I'm just doing the ostrich thing and living for now.
If anything though, the thread has been more positive than negative about age differences? And the only differences being considered problematic are ones where one party is very young or one is very old.
You both are neither.

Offline petrolpetal

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #21 on: March 16, 2017, 10:17:53 AM »
Yeah. It's nothing that was said here.  Just a sensitive topic for me!

Offline Ah.hell

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #22 on: March 16, 2017, 10:41:03 AM »
I must admit this thread has bummed me out a bit. It's a sensitive spot for me. I'm 16 years the senior in my relationship ... and it's the 'wrong' way around. It's much more 'acceptable' for the male to be the senior. Maybe that has to do with child bearing issues. IDK. Anyway, I have to actively, consciously tell myself that I would be an idiot to try and see into the future and to just live in the moment. But there's a niggle. Things are perfect now but there will be a time when I'm too old for him. I don't ever want to experience realising that he sees me as old or that other people feel sorry for him being stuck with an ancient crone. On the other hand a solar flare or meteorite might strike at any second. I might even get hit by a bus tomorrow. Thats why I'm just doing the ostrich thing and living for now.

Edited to add: we met on the internet and were already in up to our ears by the time we exchanged photos or mentioned age.
I likely let that sort of thought ruin a relationship.  No idea how much of it was in my head.   I think I'm the most critical of big age gaps between partners in the thread and I'd generally say that if you are over 30 and not your partners boss.  Probably nothing to worry about.

Side note, I'm generally more critical of older men with younger partners, probably because its more common/socially acceptable so I suspect its more likely to be an imbalance relationship.   Where older women with younger partners, I probably think have given it more consideration.  I could totally be wrong both on my reasoning and whether that's the source of my bias. 

Offline seamas

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #23 on: March 16, 2017, 11:20:58 AM »
My wife was 21 when we met 26 years ago, and If I were to ever date again I just assumed I would have to start all over again, so why wouldn't I go with another 21 year old?
Worked the first time, right?
'

Offline petrolpetal

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #24 on: April 16, 2017, 11:30:14 AM »
Just listened to a wonderful story about a love affair between an 18 year old and 58 year old gay couple that lasted almost 11 years. On the podcast 'Risk'. Definitely the take home message is not to make any judgements based on assumptions or prejudgements but to evaluate each relationship on its own terms. The story is called 'Heart and Arrow'. Well worth listening to.

Online daniel1948

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Re: Sex, age, and morality.
« Reply #25 on: April 16, 2017, 01:59:22 PM »
Beyond both parties being able consent, I think age difference has no bearing on the morality of two people having sex.

This says it all.

As long as both parties are competent to give consent, which is more than just age. It is age, emotional maturity, and power differentials. Beyond that, the campsite rule: Be sure to leave your partner better off than you found him or her. The more experienced person (which might or might not be the older person) has a special responsibility to educate the less experienced person, and to not take advantage of that person's ignorance or lack of experience.

The age difference is irrelevant.

Regardless of which person is older, a large age gap can give rise to problems, but this is not an ethical or moral issue. It's a personal issue for the two people to deal with as they see fit.
Daniel
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