Author Topic: Snarl's Epic Rap Song  (Read 670 times)

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Offline SnarlPatrick

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Snarl's Epic Rap Song
« on: April 12, 2018, 09:14:03 AM »
As most of you know, I am living in South Africa. Some time ago, I was in the States when PP (my gf and another forum member) was a victim of a horrific home invasion. When I returned, after some time, I wrote this... after waking from a dream, in nearly it's final format, in one go in the middle of the night. Then I taught myself to use Audacity for the first time, borrowed and extended a Mobb Deep beat, and recorded this... it is my first rap... my first attempt at anything musically creative, recorded on my computer microphone, my first attempt at sound editing too.

I've been a lifelong hip-hop fan but never had the nerve to try myself, nor did I have a story I particularly wanted to tell. This time I did... it probably took 35 hours of work or so, and 500+ takes spliced together and I'm still not happy with it.

It's all true, but some of the views expressed are deliberately insensitive as that is part of the form of at least some styles of hip-hop writing. I got into addiction, my difficulty with painkillers, with depression, mulling over the idea of whether or not gun ownership would be appropriate for me... but mainly, it is a song about PP and her safety and my feelings of responsibility towards her safety. Below in spoilers are the lyrics.

Please be gentle... my first song... and as usual, it's much too long. About 12 minutes. Constructive criticism welcome. I would ask though, given that it is deeply personal and revealing, that nobody take advantage of my choosing to share this to try to stick the knife in. Thanks!



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« Last Edit: April 12, 2018, 09:54:14 AM by SnarlPatrick »
Quote from: materialist_girl
SnarlPatrick, you are a nazi apologist piece of shit. You're a coward who hides behind the internet   ....   and I can only imagine it's a good thing your Jewish ancestors are dead so they don't have to watch you grow into the bigoted nazi creep you've become.

Offline Henning

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Re: Snarl's Epic Rap Song
« Reply #1 on: April 12, 2018, 03:32:59 PM »
We must battle!!

I like your flow and wordplay, i like the density, I like just the dark register of your voice, esp compared to my own...

But I recommend playing more with melody, intonation, building up to more punch lines and dropping out: yknow, playing with it... just to differentiate one line from another... it gets monotonous, especially clocking in at this long. I lost interest at about min 6.
Seems like the song is about like 4 different things. Definitely some editing to do... the issue of guns, safety and manliness is your strongest thread, but there's still a lot of repeating the same thing over and over within that. Fantasizing about what will happen to the perp NEXT time goes on an uncomfortably long time... a lot of describing the inner workings of guns: unclear why you go there and spend so much time, unless maybe you compare/contrast yourself to a cold machine at some point, that could be interesting...
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. --Voltaire
That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence. -- Hitchens.

Offline SnarlPatrick

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Re: Snarl's Epic Rap Song
« Reply #2 on: April 13, 2018, 02:35:15 AM »
I will confess Henning, that my voice is pitch-shifted down about 5% as I simply could not tolerate the "whiteboy" tenor of my natural voice. I was briefly concerned that that was fundamentally dishonest... but if T-Pain can do what he does, I can do what I do.

The sample of a woman moaning "oy yeah right there" is also my voice pitch-shifted up. Audacity is awesome. I had the most trouble with maintaining a consistently compelling delivery... it would seem that I have to really do what feels like over-enunciating and over-emoting just to sound like you mean what you say. I'd imagine that's something one learns quickly, to put everything into whatever voice you were given.

Thank you for the feedback. I'm well well aware it is too long. Those are all fair criticisms. Given that I wasn't there the night of the break-in, yeah... perhaps I am pondering overmuch on guilt for what I might have done otherwise and wished for a way to redeem myself and prove my "manliness and invulnerability" to those close to me and to the attackers...

With respect to over-much gun mechanics talk... here, I confess that I just kinda like it, and I've always been a sucker for "street bars" whether or not they wind up with a super intellectual message at the end. I am hosting a number of videos from this young kid philadelphia rapper named Young Hot... and his are just slick gun bars and I love them. But you could say that I probably fell into the "trap of the genre" to the extent that one feels such lines are self-justified as long as they sound cool enough... whereas yes, in a fully realized final product song, I'd certainly want to edit vast swatches out... but I am just playing... and I'm definitely not a rapper...

Have you experimented in the genre? I'm gonna be a bit busy for battling (lul) at the moment, but all of the creative projects I've seen out of you have been quality and I'd love to hear anything you've done.

To anyone else who likes writing and is a hip-hop/poetry fan, I'd encourage you to stop thinking about it and actually try working in the genre. It is helluva fun if nothing else. Instrumental beats are widely available on youtube... I think Havoc/Mobb Deep classic beats are a great place to start but so it almost anywhere else. I may never make another rap song... I don't think that I'm a natural musician or performer, but for amusing myself and those around me, and excising a demon or two, I'm really glad I did this. Andrew Clunn kinda goaded me into actually recording the lyrics rather than simply writing them and leaving it at that. Thanks Andrew.
« Last Edit: April 13, 2018, 02:42:47 AM by SnarlPatrick »
Quote from: materialist_girl
SnarlPatrick, you are a nazi apologist piece of shit. You're a coward who hides behind the internet   ....   and I can only imagine it's a good thing your Jewish ancestors are dead so they don't have to watch you grow into the bigoted nazi creep you've become.

Offline Henning

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Re: Snarl's Epic Rap Song
« Reply #3 on: April 13, 2018, 11:10:52 AM »
I will confess Henning, that my voice is pitch-shifted down about 5% as I simply could not tolerate the "whiteboy" tenor of my natural voice. I was briefly concerned that that was fundamentally dishonest... but if T-Pain can do what he does, I can do what I do.

The sample of a woman moaning "oy yeah right there" is also my voice pitch-shifted up.

Heh. Just GIVING me ammunition for the battle...  :D



Quote
Have you experimented in the genre? I'm gonna be a bit busy for battling (lul) at the moment, but all of the creative projects I've seen out of you have been quality and I'd love to hear anything you've done.

C'mon, check the subforum you're posting in, son!



Quote
To anyone else who likes writing and is a hip-hop/poetry fan, I'd encourage you to stop thinking about it and actually try working in the genre. It is helluva fun if nothing else. Instrumental beats are widely available on youtube... I think Havoc/Mobb Deep classic beats are a great place to start but so it almost anywhere else. I may never make another rap song... I don't think that I'm a natural musician or performer, but for amusing myself and those around me, and excising a demon or two, I'm really glad I did this.

Couldn't agree more.
I use an educational website Flocabulary for my beats (but I'm running out of good ones!). I tried some soundCloud beat producers, but they all ended up sounding too polished and serious for the kind of joke rapping I wanted to do.

Hi, Andrew!?!  :o
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. --Voltaire
That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence. -- Hitchens.

Offline SnarlPatrick

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Re: Snarl's Epic Rap Song
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2018, 02:13:45 PM »
How unobservant of me. Circumstances don't allow for a prompt battle... plus who's putting up the prize money? :P

edit - You would certainly have home-field advantage, my being a bit a villain here. Maybe I will counter your snarky, largely worded.....eh... slightly ponderous style with a bit of staccato, descriptive, narrative, style, but in a small lean portion...

I've never been challenged to a "battle" before.... I feel all aquiver! :P
« Last Edit: April 13, 2018, 03:11:45 PM by SnarlPatrick »
Quote from: materialist_girl
SnarlPatrick, you are a nazi apologist piece of shit. You're a coward who hides behind the internet   ....   and I can only imagine it's a good thing your Jewish ancestors are dead so they don't have to watch you grow into the bigoted nazi creep you've become.

Offline SnarlPatrick

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Re: Snarl's Epic Rap Song
« Reply #5 on: April 13, 2018, 03:21:38 PM »
Oh, I forgot... "cerebral." But on the other hand, there is the matter of material and there's not much I'm aware of not to like about you... how would I destroy someone I think is bright and creative. It would be difficult to convince a neutral listener of anything other than perhaps, that you were in beyond your depth lyrically, or perhaps less authentically 'hip-hop' EVEN than myself, which is saying something.

 ;)
Quote from: materialist_girl
SnarlPatrick, you are a nazi apologist piece of shit. You're a coward who hides behind the internet   ....   and I can only imagine it's a good thing your Jewish ancestors are dead so they don't have to watch you grow into the bigoted nazi creep you've become.

Offline Henning

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Re: Snarl's Epic Rap Song
« Reply #6 on: April 13, 2018, 03:54:38 PM »
other than perhaps, that you were in beyond your depth lyrically, or perhaps less authentically 'hip-hop' EVEN than myself, which is saying something.

 ;)

Those would be the things... yes.   :-[
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. --Voltaire
That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence. -- Hitchens.

Offline SnarlPatrick

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Re: Snarl's Epic Rap Song
« Reply #7 on: April 14, 2018, 03:50:27 AM »
As I suspect you know, and are hiding behind the wry sad face, I am just trash talking and hyping the eventual battle.

There is always a grain of truth. I do prefer proper street rap and narrative to the more cerebral style. One of my favorite groups is M.O.P.... Kendrick... I was a 90s rap guy. Southern. Mystikal, Trick Daddy...Biggie always... I enjoy some of he more “conscious rappers” but I don’t bump them loud in the car.

I also have a special disinclination towards especially left leaning political rap... Desd Prez... ugh... Public Enemy... never liked them even when I was a communist. I kinda like KRS-ONE... this would definitely be a mismatch battle much like competing king fu styles... tiger style...turtle style But the best style is the adaptive style. Shang Tsung. Water can flow... or it can crash... pour it into a teacup, it becomes the teacup... :P.

I’d love to hear you take on something personal or just pure braggadocio. My challenge if you choose to accept it... at your convenience.
« Last Edit: April 14, 2018, 03:54:05 AM by SnarlPatrick »
Quote from: materialist_girl
SnarlPatrick, you are a nazi apologist piece of shit. You're a coward who hides behind the internet   ....   and I can only imagine it's a good thing your Jewish ancestors are dead so they don't have to watch you grow into the bigoted nazi creep you've become.

Offline Henning

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Re: Snarl's Epic Rap Song
« Reply #8 on: April 14, 2018, 10:58:40 AM »
aw I know.
It's just, outside of the context of a battle -- just out and saying it when i didn't ask for critique -- it hits home.
Of course I know this about myself, tho.
I am unabashedly a nerd, joke rapper, and self-consciously white.
"White and Nerdy" had a MUCH bigger impact on me than Ol' Dirty or anything Wu Tang ever did...

Top 5:
Das Racist
Hopsin
Eminem
K-dot
Atmosphere
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. --Voltaire
That which can be asserted without evidence, can be dismissed without evidence. -- Hitchens.