Author Topic: How far would you be willing to go to accommodate a religious partner?  (Read 11092 times)

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Offline random poet

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- Getting married in a religious ceremony?
Meh. Whatever.

- Living in accordance of some of the religious rules?
No. No food restrictions, no treating women like garbage, etc.

- Having infant children baptised, or equivalent?
No. I am still trying to undo that bullshit from my own parents.

- Having infant children circumcised?
Over my dead body.

- Raising children in her or his religious beliefs?
I would teach them to question all religious beliefs.

- Converting to her or his religion?
Probably not.
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Offline Shibboleth

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- Getting married in a religious ceremony?
yes but only if it involves shooting flaming arrows at a boat

- Living in accordance of some of the religious rules?
Is the religion that of Dionysus then yes.


- Having infant children baptized, or equivalent?
Sure, why not.

- Having infant children circumcised?
Are you asking if I would be willing to marry a jew?

- Raising children in her or his religious beliefs?
Yes but only if they are Spartans.

- Converting to her or his religion?
Is the religion that of Dionysus then yes.

- keep my mouth shut when she starts going to "law of attraction" seminars (Abraham–Hicks)
I have no idea what these are but if it is as bad as scrapbooking then no.
common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.

Offline Mr. Beagle

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I got married in a "relatively-open minded" church, but that was a long time ago. Raised the kids in that church. One is atheist, which is fine by both of us, one flirts with Evangelicalism, but I think he needs the discipline to keep his life in line.

My overall view is that, assuming that the conventional depiction of "God" and "afterlife" do not exist, then religion is basically a "shared language" for expressing what we really hope for, really wish for, and really fear. That helps me be a bit more tolerant, although that goes only so far. Evangelicals still piss me off.

On the other side, my niece was married (second time) in a "Burning Man" type ceremony and into an "open marriage." However, once the child arrived, the dad decided to use that arrangement to treat the niece pretty badly, and she has been left with a child and bad economic prospects.

One of the benefits of conventional marriage is that one of the cohabitation partners is too often more "free" than the other, and the law's intent is to protect the weaker of the parties. Which is why I support same-sex marriage, because that problem exists there as well. In the past the Church had some of that "protection" role, but it has usually been pretty bad at it.
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Online Harry Black

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I could MAYBE get married in a religious place of worship that wasnt catholic or extremist.
A laissez faire christian place or a gay imam.

Online Billzbub

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I could MAYBE get married in a religious place of worship that wasnt catholic or extremist.
A laissez faire christian place or a gay imam.

Oh Harry, you could never survive being married to a woman who would want you to.
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Offline Captain Video

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What about having a religious funeral when you die?  When your spouse dies?

My wife wants me to have a religious ceremony for her if she dies first.  I hope I die first so I don't have to do that.  She can have a religious ceremony for me all she wants.  I don't care about that at all.

I think I would try my best to give my spouse the kind of funeral she wants even if it was religious.

Personally I don't want one at all and absolutely would not want to be remembered that way. I hate them and generally wont attend.  It sucks because there is nothing I can do to keep it from happening.
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Offline daniel1948

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- Getting married in a religious ceremony?
Yes, but I would not pretend to believe or take any vow to believe or to observe the religion.

- Living in accordance of some of the religious rules?
I would not live in accord with rules that I find offensive. I do live in accord with some of the rules of some religions. I've never killed anyone or coveted my neighbor's ass. I've never had a neighbor who owned an ass.

- Having infant children baptised, or equivalent?
No. Because that involves making promises to raise the kid in the religion.

- Having infant children circumcised?
I'd need to consult the science. If it turns out there are good medical reasons for it, I would agree. Otherwise not.

- Raising children in her or his religious beliefs?
I would educate the kid that all religion is bullshit, and teach it to be critical.

- Converting to her or his religion?
If she's nice enough, and hot enough, I might pretend to convert. Then once we were married I'd convert back.

This is all academic for me. I'm not going to have any kids, and it's vanishingly unlikely that at this stage of my life (I turned 70 last week, on my kayaking trip) I'll find anyone who would marry me.

True story: My first step-father (my mom's second husband) was an atheist, as was my mom. But his mom was a Catholic. His mom believed that he would go to hell for marrying an atheist, but in spite of that, she was always very nice and welcoming to my mother. So my mother pretended to convert, in order to make her mother-in-law feel that my step-dad would not go to hell. My mom went to the classes, and went to confession, and did the whole conversion thing. It was all a sham because she remained an atheist and never went to church after the sham conversion was over with. My dad had a conniption fit because he thought my mom would then raise us as catholics, though she never had any intention of doing that. I never even found out about the sham conversion until many decades later, probably in my 40's.

As for funerals, I don't care what is done with my remains because I won't exist anymore. If I was married I'd promise my wife whatever kind of funeral she wanted, and I figure promises die when the person dies. So if she died before me, I would not feel bound by any promises I'd made, because the person I made the promise to would no longer exist.
Daniel
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Offline Ah.hell

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This is all academic for me. I'm not going to have any kids, and it's vanishingly unlikely that at this stage of my life (I turned 70 last week, on my kayaking trip) I'll find anyone who would marry me.
Are you kidding, you are prime meat in your age bracket, the competition is mostly dead.
Quote
True story: My first step-father (my mom's second husband) was an atheist, as was my mom. But his mom was a Catholic. His mom believed that he would go to hell for marrying an atheist, but in spite of that, she was always very nice and welcoming to my mother. So my mother pretended to convert, in order to make her mother-in-law feel that my step-dad would not go to hell. My mom went to the classes, and went to confession, and did the whole conversion thing. It was all a sham because she remained an atheist and never went to church after the sham conversion was over with. My dad had a conniption fit because he thought my mom would then raise us as catholics, though she never had any intention of doing that. I never even found out about the sham conversion until many decades later, probably in my 40's.
Your mom sounds like a very nice and considerate women, I think I would have like her.

Offline daniel1948

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This is all academic for me. I'm not going to have any kids, and it's vanishingly unlikely that at this stage of my life (I turned 70 last week, on my kayaking trip) I'll find anyone who would marry me.
Are you kidding, you are prime meat in your age bracket, the competition is mostly dead.

The women I meet are either so young they would not consider me, so old I would not consider them, or married. And no, most American men born the same year as I was are still kicking. And most Americans my age of either sex or any gender have no interest in any of the things I enjoy.

Quote
True story: My first step-father (my mom's second husband) was an atheist, as was my mom. But his mom was a Catholic. His mom believed that he would go to hell for marrying an atheist, but in spite of that, she was always very nice and welcoming to my mother. So my mother pretended to convert, in order to make her mother-in-law feel that my step-dad would not go to hell. My mom went to the classes, and went to confession, and did the whole conversion thing. It was all a sham because she remained an atheist and never went to church after the sham conversion was over with. My dad had a conniption fit because he thought my mom would then raise us as catholics, though she never had any intention of doing that. I never even found out about the sham conversion until many decades later, probably in my 40's.
Your mom sounds like a very nice and considerate women, I think I would have like her.

Yes, she was. She was also an activist for social justice her entire life. She was widely admired within social justice circles and a wonderful mother and person. She was also an atheist and a critical thinker. She agreed with me that all religion is bullshit, though she was far too polite and tactful to say that to people who believe that crap.
Daniel
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"Anyone who has ever looked into the glazed eyes of a soldier dying on the battlefield will think long and hard before starting a war."
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Online Harry Black

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I could MAYBE get married in a religious place of worship that wasnt catholic or extremist.
A laissez faire christian place or a gay imam.

Oh Harry, you could never survive being married to a woman who would want you to.
This is VERY true :D

Online Tassie Dave

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- Having infant children baptised, or equivalent?
No. Because that involves making promises to raise the kid in the religion.

Just lie about that part  ;) I interpret that part to mean that you'd be a good role model and show them how to be a moral human.

I have 2 godchildren. 1 boy 1 girl. Both sets of parents knew I was an atheist and neither were particularly religious (only for special occasions i.e weddings, funerals & christenings)
They wanted me to be a role model for their child. Which I am.
Both godchildren are adults now and neither are religious at all. They both still had their children christened.

Christening in Australia is basically just an excuse for a party and is just seen as something you do for the grandparents and so you can appoint close friends as godparents.
It's purely symbolic.

Offline brilligtove

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My uncle just died of pancreatic cancer. His widow is deeply Catholic. He was atheist. Somehow, their mutual respect and love for each other was sufficient to allow them to account for each other's wishes. He was cremated, as he wanted. They even considered assisted suicide if the cancer went the harrowingly slow torture route, like his older brother suffered through. Turns out being a good, loving, caring person who respects the beliefs of other good, loving, caring people was more important to her than exclusionary religious doctrine.
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Offline daniel1948

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... I have 2 godchildren. ...

I have a godson. I think. Sort of. Close to 50 years ago my first step-father, who by this time had been divorced from my mother for over a decade, had a son by his third wife. He asked me to be the boy's godfather. I asked what this entailed, since both my ex-step-father and his wife were hard-line atheists and virulently opposed to all religion. He said it meant looking after the boy if anything happened to him and his wife. He also said that I would be one of many godfathers and godmothers the boy already had. I agreed. If there was any sort of ceremony I was not there for it. The child was not baptized.

I've heard no news of my godson since his dad died a couple of decades ago. The boy would be around 50 now. Our paths diverged a few years after I agreed to be his godfather and I never knew him as an adult.
Daniel
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Online John Albert

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My uncle just died of pancreatic cancer. His widow is deeply Catholic. He was atheist. Somehow, their mutual respect and love for each other was sufficient to allow them to account for each other's wishes. He was cremated, as he wanted. They even considered assisted suicide if the cancer went the harrowingly slow torture route, like his older brother suffered through. Turns out being a good, loving, caring person who respects the beliefs of other good, loving, caring people was more important to her than exclusionary religious doctrine.

Please accept my sincere condolences, Brill.

Offline Ah.hell

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Re: How far would you be willing to go to accommodate a religious partner?
« Reply #29 on: October 19, 2018, 02:38:16 PM »
What about having a religious funeral when you die?  When your spouse dies?

My wife wants me to have a religious ceremony for her if she dies first.  I hope I die first so I don't have to do that.  She can have a religious ceremony for me all she wants.  I don't care about that at all.
If I married a religious person, it would depend on my wife's family/friends.  If I outlived my wife, if her parents or our children really wanted it, sure I'd do it.  I'd prefer my body were donated to science but really I won't care if I were dead. 

I already know my wife is not going to follow my wishes.  Which are to be stuffed with a look of recrimination and fitted with a motion sensor to say, "I knew you'd never amount to anything" when ever someone came close. 

 

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