Author Topic: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?  (Read 2269 times)

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Offline Desert Fox

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Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« on: January 12, 2019, 04:36:21 PM »
I was listening to the Friendly Atheist where he seems to listen sometimes to Pat Robertson.

A mother was complaining to Pat Roberson that she was looking at her son's tablet's browser history and found out that he had been looking at Gay Porn.  The son is suppose to be thirteen years old.

Other than proving that Robertson does not understand tech, his response was as one might expect - cut off access. Makes me think though - My first access to porn was also around that age.   

What is the best response? Accept it? Block it? Talk about it? My feel is to accept it but also talk about it with an acceptance that it is part of normal sexuality. Maybe explain that porn is not really like real life? Still, maybe somebody has a different perspective?
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Offline John Albert

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #1 on: January 12, 2019, 05:39:49 PM »
My feel is to accept it but also talk about it with an acceptance that it is part of normal sexuality. Maybe explain that porn is not really like real life?

This seems like the most reasonable and respectful response.

Offline 2397

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #2 on: January 12, 2019, 05:46:32 PM »
What is the best response?

Stop looking through your children's browser histories.

Teach them to set up passwords on their devices, and general computer and internet security.

Offline John Albert

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #3 on: January 12, 2019, 07:18:46 PM »
What is the best response?

Stop looking through your children's browser histories.

NO NO NO

This is crazy talk!

Parents should definitely monitor their children's Internet usage, at least until they reach the age of consent!

Offline daniel1948

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #4 on: January 12, 2019, 08:39:50 PM »
My feel is to accept it but also talk about it with an acceptance that it is part of normal sexuality. Maybe explain that porn is not really like real life?

This seems like the most reasonable and respectful response.

Agree.

Caveat: I’m not a parent.
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Offline NateAus

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #5 on: January 13, 2019, 06:41:29 PM »

Offline Eternally Learning

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #6 on: January 14, 2019, 12:14:24 AM »
Hasn't come up for me yet, but I've been trying to think about what would have liked to have known at that age.  I think I'm just going to sit them down and talk about how it is enticing, even addicting, but does NOT reflect real life in the least.  Some or maybe even most of it is fine enough, but there is also a dark streak in porn that they may not want to expose themselves to.  They may be curious, like I was at their age, but there are things in this world you cannot unsee and it will have an effect on you. I dunno.  Still a work in progress.

Offline 2397

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #7 on: January 14, 2019, 04:33:01 AM »
NO NO NO

This is crazy talk!

Parents should definitely monitor their children's Internet usage, at least until they reach the age of consent!

You can do some kind of monitoring, without invading their privacy behind their back. It should be done with them, and to educate them. Teach them what the internet is, and what they need to be careful with. Teach them (give them reason) to trust in you, so that they know to ask you questions, rather than feel as if they have to hide what they can.

Although they should hide what they can online. They should be taught how to achieve privacy and not share personal information, because they will have no control of it once someone else has access. It's only more important to be anonymous today than it was in the early days of the World Wide Web, given how much is done with people's personal information without their consent.

If you can't trust that they will be okay on their own, or to know to rely on you, that's what you need to sort out, before you leave them alone with something. You can ask them what they've been up to, rather than read it off the log. Parents shouldn't randomly be reading through their children's diaries, either.

Being below the age of consent doesn't obviate the need for consent. If you couldn't do it to another adult without asking, maybe you shouldn't do it at all.

Offline Calinthalus

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #8 on: January 14, 2019, 06:52:52 AM »
NO NO NO

This is crazy talk!

Parents should definitely monitor their children's Internet usage, at least until they reach the age of consent!

You can do some kind of monitoring, without invading their privacy behind their back. It should be done with them, and to educate them. Teach them what the internet is, and what they need to be careful with. Teach them (give them reason) to trust in you, so that they know to ask you questions, rather than feel as if they have to hide what they can.

Although they should hide what they can online. They should be taught how to achieve privacy and not share personal information, because they will have no control of it once someone else has access. It's only more important to be anonymous today than it was in the early days of the World Wide Web, given how much is done with people's personal information without their consent.

If you can't trust that they will be okay on their own, or to know to rely on you, that's what you need to sort out, before you leave them alone with something. You can ask them what they've been up to, rather than read it off the log. Parents shouldn't randomly be reading through their children's diaries, either.

Being below the age of consent doesn't obviate the need for consent. If you couldn't do it to another adult without asking, maybe you shouldn't do it at all.
On the other hand, you don't want your 13 year old daughter falling in love with a 42 year old predator posing as a 14 year old boy on Facebook.


When my eldest was this age she really wanted a Myspace page.  I told her she was allowed to have one if I would be added as a friend so I could vaguely see who she was hanging with.  She agreed, and when I built her page she wouldn't accept my request.  So, I logged in as her and accepted it for her.  She was mad that I had "hacked" her account for about 10 minutes till I reminded her about our agreement; after that she was convinced that I was a magical computer creature and she would have to be extra careful to be able to get away with anything.


As an aside, she wouldn't do her chores once and I threatened to lock her computer, she laughed and said she had changed her password and she wouldn't give it to me...so when she left for school I put a password on the bios.


Anyway, I raised three kids in the internet age.  I'm sure they all viewed porn.  It will happen whether you like it or not, so you might as well make sure they know that anybody/everybody is a potential threat, teach them how to be safe, and attempt to let them know that porn is fantasy not reality.  Good luck.
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Offline 2397

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #9 on: January 14, 2019, 07:56:51 AM »
On the other hand, you don't want your 13 year old daughter falling in love with a 42 year old predator posing as a 14 year old boy on Facebook.

Definitely teach them that you have to doubt what people tell you online (etc.). But whether they make acquaintance with someone real or fake, ideally they have a good enough relationship with their parents to involve them if they want to meet up with someone. Otherwise it can be a lot more difficult to intervene, especially if they move their communication out of the home because all they know is that their parents forbid it or spy on them.

Offline Captain Video

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #10 on: January 14, 2019, 08:43:03 AM »
There is a ridiculous amount of "Incest porn" available now. Back in my (grandpaws) porn days we had "Taboo" and a few other incest films but I never remember it being as large of a genre as it is now. I don't want to deny anyone's fetish but it seems like in over half the videos on porn hub some idiot is pretending to bang his sister.  I don't get it at all and that has got to be twice as confusing to a kid going through puberty. Cant these millennials like "normal" porn like the rest of us  >:D

I dont have kids but assume if I did you would want to discuss this with them ahead of time, How do you directly explain Incest porn when there is so much of it?
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Offline Calinthalus

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #11 on: January 14, 2019, 09:00:44 AM »
I've noticed the same thing CV.  I'm no prude, mind you, but I find the whole thing icky in a way that's hard to explain. 


I mean, for instance, I'm not into bondage and really won't watch bondage porn.  But if a thumbnail comes up with it, I just scroll past.  Same with "foot fetish" or the like.  But when I see "stepmom" or "brother/sister" in a little I get a bit ill.  Makes you not want to go to porn sites at all.


Maybe that's the point.  <insert XFiles music here> They want us to stop.
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Offline 2397

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #12 on: January 14, 2019, 09:24:23 AM »
Making a note that we might be heading off-topic, but on that topic, possibly on the SGU; I recall hearing someone talk about how porn categorization has more to do with the industry than people's preferences.

I remember seeing image files (could also be malware) on filesharing tools that had all sorts of tags on them, probably to increase search hits, and you can't have that many tags before they're mutually exclusive. It's more important to get the hits than having accurate descriptions.

But when you don't want to have such long titles; many of those who are looking for porn might not care about the description in any case. Or maybe those who want incest porn are the ones who care most, or for some other reason other tags won't work in as many cases.
« Last Edit: January 14, 2019, 09:37:44 AM by 2397 »

Offline Captain Video

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #13 on: January 14, 2019, 10:13:05 AM »
I was thinking about a porn site targeted to parents who want to give their kids access but don't want to worry about taboo subjects . Kind of a porn intro site for teens with positive interviews at the beginning of each scene explaining what is happening, condom usage, nothing too extreme, everyone is staring at their phones during sex, cosplay, stuff kids can relate too. Of course you dont want them getting into cosplay too early as that stuff can get really expensive.

I guess you would be breaking the law by giving them access. They are breaking the law by being on the site with or without your consent, there could be serious repercussions if they get caught by the wrong person and that is certainly something that should be discussed. You know they are probably going to break the rules so you better teach them security and encryption too.  Dam thats a lot of crap you parents have to worry about.

All my parents had to do was hide their 3 VHS tapes and keep me off cinemax after 12am (they failed at both, I still remember all 3 titles). They did hand me a Linda Carter poster for the cosplay.
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Offline superdave

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #14 on: January 14, 2019, 10:25:26 AM »
So I am a new parent and many years away from answering this question so this advice will come more from my teacher hat than my parent hat.

1)  I would attempt at least some form of porn blocking.  Yes they will totally figure out how to get around but it will at least send a message that this is something you don't want them to do. 

2)  tell them why.  Maybe have a discussion on nudity in art or film compared to porn.  why is porn bad but the venus de milo OK?  There are some concrete reasons that are objective here.  Porn sites are often pretty sketchy and can have viruses or other problematic content, especially these days with sites that have a lot of user uploaded content because there is less control by sites over what user can actually see.  It's technically illegal for them to watch it.  It supports a gray market economy.  It's addicting and can get in the way of other more important things.  It wastes bandwidth.

3)  Maybe limit internet use by gigabyte?  If they have to choose between porn and netflix and I think netflix will win.

4)  Think about appropriate and meaningful punishments. 

5)  remind them about the policy and be upfront and direct about what you expect and what the consequences will be.

6) remind them that you as a parent could get in trouble if don't do your job and try to prevent them from doing things that are illegal.

7) I wouldn't give them the spiel about how porn is fake and these women and men are exploited unless they were old enough to get the nuance of that argument. 
« Last Edit: January 14, 2019, 10:28:23 AM by superdave »
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