Author Topic: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?  (Read 1788 times)

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Offline arthwollipot

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #30 on: January 16, 2019, 05:16:03 PM »
My feeling is that parents need to decide at what age it is reasonable and necessary to explain to their children what sex is, how it works, being safe, and maybe throw in there what pornography is and how pornography is not a source of information. I feel that age is whenever kids start asking questions.

The only problem with that approach is that by the time they start asking questions, they already know about it and have started to form some conclusions by themselves. Ideally you want to pre-empt their questions so that the conclusions they draw aren't too badly influenced by what they have seen.

I've heard the best thing is not to have "the talk" but rather a series of talks basically starting as soon as possible, each time getting into more details.

Yep. And start general and move to the more specific.
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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #31 on: January 18, 2019, 04:53:19 PM »
You could just do like my parents and pretend it doesn't exist!

I turned out fine. (?)
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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #32 on: January 20, 2019, 11:03:50 AM »
You could just do like my parents and pretend it doesn't exist!

I turned out fine. (?)

My parents more or less did that same thing, and I would say it did work out ok for me eventually, I could have used some guidance at the time.  Not about the physical stuff, but more about relationship stuff.
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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #33 on: January 20, 2019, 11:15:40 AM »
Not a parent, do not ever want to be so take my opinion with a pinch of salt:
I wish my parents had given me less guidance about relationships because while they did their best, it was all very mononormative and kind of fucked me up for a while.

Porn was almost impossible to get for me, so I never started watching until my early 20s. If my parents had tried to warn me about it, I would have rolled my eyes though, so maybe find someone your kid thinks is cool talking about how far from reality and sketchy porn actually is?

Definitely find them some interviews of male actors talking about injecting directly to their penis to maintain a numb erection and female actors talking about how they hate most people in the industry.

Basically- Break the illusions and teach them how algorithms work so they know what they see on the front page is not what people are necessarily into.
Oh, and make sure they arent talking to predators obviously and have input and visibility of their social media, but really consider how much privacy you take from them and what effect that may have.

Offline brilligtove

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #34 on: January 20, 2019, 11:51:23 AM »
I grew up in a suburb of Toronto (born 1970). There was an empty field behind my house up until I was a teenager. In the small copse of trees by the pond my friends and I found a stash of Playboy magazines. I was maybe 8 or 9? That same raggedy weather-ravaged stack of mags kept us all going for years. :) The real sex ed in my house was the copy of The Joy of Sex and More Joy of Sex on the top shelf of the bookcase, waaaaaaay over by the window. Had to move the couch and stand on the arm to reach them. I can't tell you how many times I read them both cover to cover. Not just for the pictures, either.

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #35 on: January 20, 2019, 01:31:43 PM »
Not a parent, do not ever want to be so take my opinion with a pinch of salt:
I wish my parents had given me less guidance about relationships because while they did their best, it was all very mononormative and kind of fucked me up for a while.

Porn was almost impossible to get for me, so I never started watching until my early 20s. If my parents had tried to warn me about it, I would have rolled my eyes though, so maybe find someone your kid thinks is cool talking about how far from reality and sketchy porn actually is?

Definitely find them some interviews of male actors talking about injecting directly to their penis to maintain a numb erection and female actors talking about how they hate most people in the industry.

Basically- Break the illusions and teach them how algorithms work so they know what they see on the front page is not what people are necessarily into.
Oh, and make sure they arent talking to predators obviously and have input and visibility of their social media, but really consider how much privacy you take from them and what effect that may have.

I'd be wary of painting with too broad of a brush. Making sure you're informing them, and not scaremongering which is easier to dismiss. Some porn is sketchy, some porn is far from reality, all porn is some kind of fantasy once you start engaging with it. But some of it isn't even part of "the industry".

Or maybe it's more of a spectrum today than it used to be, with anyone being able to produce their own content, and others taking advantage of that by trying to have them sell the independently produced porn through their platforms. And there can be illegitimate actors who try to profit off of other people's content regardless, which is a risk to be aware of, but that's beyond the scope of parenting. Sexting isn't, though. But that can be part of general education about how you have to limit what you share if you want to limit the risk of your personal information and content spreading.

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #36 on: January 20, 2019, 01:50:47 PM »
Not a parent, do not ever want to be so take my opinion with a pinch of salt:
I wish my parents had given me less guidance about relationships because while they did their best, it was all very mononormative and kind of fucked me up for a while.

Porn was almost impossible to get for me, so I never started watching until my early 20s. If my parents had tried to warn me about it, I would have rolled my eyes though, so maybe find someone your kid thinks is cool talking about how far from reality and sketchy porn actually is?

Definitely find them some interviews of male actors talking about injecting directly to their penis to maintain a numb erection and female actors talking about how they hate most people in the industry.

Basically- Break the illusions and teach them how algorithms work so they know what they see on the front page is not what people are necessarily into.
Oh, and make sure they arent talking to predators obviously and have input and visibility of their social media, but really consider how much privacy you take from them and what effect that may have.

I'd be wary of painting with too broad of a brush. Making sure you're informing them, and not scaremongering which is easier to dismiss. Some porn is sketchy, some porn is far from reality, all porn is some kind of fantasy once you start engaging with it. But some of it isn't even part of "the industry".

Or maybe it's more of a spectrum today than it used to be, with anyone being able to produce their own content, and others taking advantage of that by trying to have them sell the independently produced porn through their platforms. And there can be illegitimate actors who try to profit off of other people's content regardless, which is a risk to be aware of, but that's beyond the scope of parenting. Sexting isn't, though. But that can be part of general education about how you have to limit what you share if you want to limit the risk of your personal information and content spreading.
I dont think Im suggesting scaremongering at all.
Ethical porn is great if you know to look for it and in most cases have the money to pay for it, but in the meantime kids are GOING to see porn and they need to know how to put the bad stuff in context as the good will speak for itself.

Their first encounters will be the front page of pornhub or some video circulated by some douche in their class.
I dont disagree with what you are saying in principle, I just dont think its practical.

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #37 on: January 21, 2019, 11:50:25 AM »
Not a parent, do not ever want to be so take my opinion with a pinch of salt:
I wish my parents had given me less guidance about relationships because while they did their best, it was all very mononormative and kind of fucked me up for a while.

Porn was almost impossible to get for me, so I never started watching until my early 20s. If my parents had tried to warn me about it, I would have rolled my eyes though, so maybe find someone your kid thinks is cool talking about how far from reality and sketchy porn actually is?

Definitely find them some interviews of male actors talking about injecting directly to their penis to maintain a numb erection and female actors talking about how they hate most people in the industry.

Basically- Break the illusions and teach them how algorithms work so they know what they see on the front page is not what people are necessarily into.
Oh, and make sure they arent talking to predators obviously and have input and visibility of their social media, but really consider how much privacy you take from them and what effect that may have.
I generally agree with this.  I plan on bringing up the subject sometime when my kids are between 10 and 14.  Primarily emphasizing that Porn is basically fantasy.  There's nothing wrong with watching in moderation and that they should try there best to avoid anything especially dehumanizing or exploitative. 

Also, I quoted this to point out the vast difference between my experience as a 12 year old with porn and the modern world.  Porn was harder to come by than illegal drugs when I was 12. 

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #38 on: January 21, 2019, 12:04:38 PM »
We also found porn in the woods when we were kids.

What I want to know is who the hell was leaving all those porn mags out there?
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Offline DevoutCatalyst

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #39 on: January 21, 2019, 12:07:33 PM »
What I want to know is who the hell was leaving all those porn mags out there?
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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #40 on: January 21, 2019, 02:48:56 PM »
"Woods porn" is a universal phenomenon.

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #41 on: January 22, 2019, 01:26:40 AM »
"Woods porn" is a universal phenomenon.

I definitely found "bush porn" as a kid, while bush walking the wilderness around my home town (Queenstown, Tasmania). Mostly around old campsites.

Usually 60s & 70s Playboys and Penthouse. No Brazilian waxes back then.  ;)

The only other time I saw naked women in magazines back when I was a kid (born 1962) was at the barber's, who always had a stack of "People" magazines. (Not to be confused with the US mag of the same name) Aussie People was a soft porn lad's magazine.


Offline brilligtove

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #42 on: January 22, 2019, 10:19:45 AM »
When I was a kid my barber had Playboys. I'd forgotten! The fact that woods porn is/was a thing is delightful for some reason.
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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #43 on: January 22, 2019, 12:45:17 PM »
When I was a kid my barber had Playboys. I'd forgotten! The fact that woods porn is/was a thing is delightful for some reason.
I went to a barber in downtown San Francisco that had a big pile of Penthouse mags in the early 2000s.  They even had a female employee, it was very disconcerting. 

Offline Bill K

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Re: Minor Question for Parents - Porn?
« Reply #44 on: January 22, 2019, 05:21:59 PM »
I'm getting the feeling that we have a lot of porn objectors here? What is "ethical porn"?
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