Poll

Is there, see the op before answering.

Yep, you ain't right boy.
0 (0%)
Mostly you
2 (22.2%)
Just a cultural difference.
3 (33.3%)
Mostly her
2 (22.2%)
Nah, its her.
2 (22.2%)

Total Members Voted: 9

Author Topic: Is there somethign off about me.  (Read 227 times)

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Offline Ah.hell

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Is there somethign off about me.
« on: December 01, 2019, 03:25:49 PM »
So, the other day my Mother in law comes to visit.  I'm in the kitchen doing something. Not sure what, cooking cleaning whatever, just in the middle of something. When I'm done, I say some nice things in greeting.

Later my wife says, "you know that hurts my mom's feelings when you don't say hi." 

My thoughts are, "she should suck it up, why does she think I should drop everything anytime she shows up at the door?"  Granted, she's visiting from out of town but she also has an apartment in town. 

So, am I jerk or do I have a point?
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Offline daniel1948

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #1 on: December 01, 2019, 03:34:21 PM »
It's her.

Of course, if she was my friend and told the same story I'd be saying "It's him."

But that would be a lie, because it's her. ;D
Daniel
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Offline Friendly Angel

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #2 on: December 02, 2019, 12:48:41 PM »
You're not acknowledging her on purpose though, right?  I mean being busy is a good excuse, but it seems like you are actively denying her the greeting you know she wants.

Amend and resubmit.

Offline Ah.hell

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #3 on: December 02, 2019, 02:33:11 PM »
You're not acknowledging her on purpose though, right?  I mean being busy is a good excuse, but it seems like you are actively denying her the greeting you know she wants.
Yes and know, I didn't think, "I know i should say hi but I'm busy."  "I thought, I'm busy I'll say hello when I'm done."

Offline Jeremy's Sea

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #4 on: December 02, 2019, 03:42:03 PM »
You're not acknowledging her on purpose though, right?  I mean being busy is a good excuse, but it seems like you are actively denying her the greeting you know she wants.
Yes and know, I didn't think, "I know i should say hi but I'm busy."  "I thought, I'm busy I'll say hello when I'm done."
Most grownups understand there is a reasonable amount of time that when someone is preoccupied that they will be absent from proper responses. This includes returning phone calls and texting replies back. Often it's not as fast as we'd like on the receiving end, but we suck it up and realize it isn't us. But some people can't help but to internalize everything and make it about them. This sounds like the perfect storm of someone who wants to get hurt coupled with someone who (probably rightly) doens't care if she gets butt hurt over something stupid.

Right or wrong, when it comes to family, sometimes it pays to suck it up and be the bigger person and cater to someone else's ego.

But yeah, it's her.
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Offline arthwollipot

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #5 on: December 02, 2019, 05:14:19 PM »
"Hello, I'm just in the middle of something, I'll be with you in a minute."
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Offline SnarlPatrick

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #6 on: December 08, 2019, 06:05:30 AM »
It is worse manners of someone to raise a stink about a minor infringement of manners than it is to make that minor infringement.

Rereading, I guess she didn't so much raise a stink...as tell her daughter likely assuming it would get back to you. In my family this is normal. Someone is bbq'ing, or on the phone, and they come back to the table and say "sorry I was gone and introduce themselves/say hi." Never been a problem with us.
« Last Edit: December 08, 2019, 06:07:44 AM by SnarlPatrick »
Quote from: materialist_girl
SnarlPatrick, you are a nazi apologist piece of shit. You're a coward who hides behind the internet   ....   and I can only imagine it's a good thing your Jewish ancestors are dead so they don't have to watch you grow into the bigoted nazi creep you've become.

Offline Harry Black

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #7 on: December 08, 2019, 06:50:02 AM »
I think that if you know a behaviour as simple as this hurts the feelings of someone who is a regular part of your life then you should probably work on it.
Just lift your head, smile and say "Hi! Be with you in a bit!".
Otherwise, whether you think she is being silly or not, you are committing to your part in a deteriorating relationship that is going to affect your wife.

Unless you are doing surgery at home. In which case, definitely concentrate on the surgery until you are done, but also stop doing surgery at home.

Offline PANTS!

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2019, 08:21:11 AM »
It's her, but that shouldn't stop you from making a concession. 
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Offline Ah.hell

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2019, 09:10:11 AM »

Rereading, I guess she didn't so much raise a stink...as tell her daughter likely assuming it would get back to you. In my family this is normal. Someone is bbq'ing, or on the phone, and they come back to the table and say "sorry I was gone and introduce themselves/say hi." Never been a problem with us.

I think where I'm most clearly at fault is by not acknowledging the delay.   Things like that just don't occur to me. 

Offline Harry Black

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Re: Is there somethign off about me.
« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2019, 01:22:13 PM »

Rereading, I guess she didn't so much raise a stink...as tell her daughter likely assuming it would get back to you. In my family this is normal. Someone is bbq'ing, or on the phone, and they come back to the table and say "sorry I was gone and introduce themselves/say hi." Never been a problem with us.

I think where I'm most clearly at fault is by not acknowledging the delay.   Things like that just don't occur to me.
Same. I had a massive problem with this last year with a team I managed. We were on different shifts and they would often be on calls when I left or arrived but they were HUGELY offended that I did not say good morning and goodbye to them on such occasions.
It was all stirred by one particular employee but that didnt change the fact that my working relationships and reputation were massively suffering as a result so I had to make extra effort to think about things I would normally not even consider.

 

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